Growing Pains

"You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack, You may find yourself in another part of the world 

You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile, You may find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife, You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down. Letting the days go by, water flowing underground.  Into the blue again after the money's gone.  Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground.

You may ask yourself, how do I work this? 

You may ask yourself, where is that large automobile?  You may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful house 

You may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful wife..."

Talking Heads, Once in a Lifetime

As I'm packing lunches, preparing Luke's and Elaina's activities for the day, telling the kids to have a nice day on their way out the door, dropping the other kids off at my mom's and driving down the street to go to work for the day this is the background music I hear while watching this scene.

 

Nature Geeks...or Should I Say Freaks...

So yesterday on our way home from Mass we spotted 3 baby deer in our neighbor's yard.  Even though we deer practically every day or evening, I still get excited.  "Oooohhhhhhh......look!  There's deer!!!!!," I squeal, as if this is the first sighting of live deer I've ever experienced.  My younger kids still share the excitement and hop up to look.  The older ones roll their eyes and shake their heads.  Cassie, the young adult, at least grants me a laugh, as if I'm the child and gives me a polite, "oh, yes, that's nice."

But yesterday, oh, we saw these babies and then we saw a baby fox running amongst them.  Well!  My husband pulled the car right over as if we were on the Great Adventure Safari.

"It has something in its mouth!"  We watched the fox eat a....something.....maybe it's a mouse!  "Uh-oh....the neighbor's cat is in the driveway....do you think the fox will get it?  What about the deer?"

This exclaimed by the parents in the front seat.  The kids in the back were begging, "Please, drive!  This is so embarrassing....we are literally staring at the neighbor's house!  We look like creepers!  Go home! "  They were sinking down into their seats.
 
Across the street we spotted the doe.  "Look!  There's the mom!"

Then my husband spotted a fourth baby deer.  "Wow!  There's four of them!  That's unusual."

Luke and Elaina were the only ones still with us.

Later on in the afternoon, we were all gathered to watch Project Runway.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw a huge bird land on a tree outside the window.  Look!  A hawk!  My husband rushes to the window.  No, that's a falcon!  Wow!  Look how huge that bird is!

Another one flies to the limb.  They begin fighting for the space.  These two huge birds, fat legs, vast wingspans, flapping around this tree right outside our window.  Bill and I were ecstatic.

Michele pauses the program.  She patiently waits for the excitement to pass.  She's too cool.

We run to the other window across the house to watch the raptors fly across our yard into the thicket the lines our property.

"Wow, did you see them?  I hear them every morning...the chicks sqawking....wonder what they're feeding them?"

The kids may think they're too cool for this nature in suburbia, but their sense of wonderment and excitement will return when their sharing the natural world with someone they love.

Homeschool Planning, 2012-2013 school year

Uh.....just getting around to figuring out the homeschool year......

I usually start by a mass classroom clearout.  So right now there's a heap of crap on the floor and empty shelves and that's as far as I got.

From the dollar shelves at Target I picked up a planner, a desk organizer for Elaina and some United States Geography cards.  I'll use the cards in conjunction with About.com's bi-weekly 50 states study sent to my email all summer that I planned to use all summer but, well, you know how that goes.

One might think with the drop in enrollment at the homeschool it would be a breeze to plan.

Moving on.....

I still have good ol' Saxon Math 5/4.  I always think I want to switch, and I kinda do but I don't.  There's something about the MCP (Modern Curriculum Press) books I like, and they're reasonable, so maybe.

My wish is to do a year with Five in a Row.  I think Elaina would really enjoy this and it would be a nice change for me.  I love that Elaina is at an age where I'm not panicking about where her gaps are.

Michele shared an observation with me one day while driving her home from high school.  She opined that all the worrying people do about grades and academics is pointless because none of it matters until about Junior or Senior year when you want to decide about college.  She offered that one could be a sub-standard student by school system standards until those last years.  If a student isn't made to believe they are sub-standard then they could do what is required to get good grades in the 11th & 12th grades and go on to college.  All the obsessing by parents and kids about school in the elementary years is unnecessary.  All this to say that her observations gave me a break from the worrying and questioning "am I providing enough (academically)"

Five in a Row appears to be fun, engaging and doable with Elaina.

For History we'll continue with Story of the World.  I just like it.

Because I love Science it's unavoidable that it will be passed by.  I know FIAR covers some but I don't really know to what degree because I've never worked with it.  I've used Behold and See by Catholic Heritage Curricula and I loved it.  As a focus, though, we'll go over anatomy and the like as I see fit and she seems interested.

Writing and Grammar:  Well, I just don't know yet.  Elaina loves to write.  We'll start there.  I love Primary and Intermediate Language Lessons.  We'll keep with that.

I considered enrolling Luke in a preschool.  I still might for two mornings a week but finances may keep me from that.  Because I function better with structure, hence they will function better, I'll just structure Luke's morning around Hubbard's Cupboard outline.  Basically, stories, bible verses and letters, numbers and shapes.  I also plan to have a bin of "school toys" that will be his to play/work with while Elaina and I are doing whatever.

Just a plan....we'll see how it plays out.

Elaina will be in an art class and continue with guitar lessons.  I'll continue doing what I've always done and doing art and music once a month or so or see what FIAR brings us in those areas.

Now I never plan "gym."  My kids have always played sports and outside, etc. and I call it gym.  This year, however, I am planning to include Elaina in my runs, if she wishes.  Moreso to teach her proper running form. In maintaining proper running form one's posture and gait improves naturally.  Elaina's posture and gait are compromised due to her brachial plexus injury.  My hope is she experiences confidence in being able to see how these small adjustments in her movements improves some of the discomfort she experiences as a result of the imbalance the injury presents.

Did I miss anything?  I may have because I just started thinking about it.

Because of the older kids being in school, we'll just follow along the school schedule with modifications.

The Power of Mom

While riding in the car yesterday, Luke was playing a game on my phone.  As I turned a corner Luke asked, "Mom, will you turn off the sun?  I can't see this game."

Homeschool Dropout

I could subtitle this What are You Really Afraid of?

So I almost have two kids enrolled in public school.

Excuse me while I pause for a reality check...............................

Just rereading that last thought has me asking my buck-the-system-self, "Who are you?  Really?"

I'm a homeschooler.  I've been a homeschooler when I had my first daughter; unmarried, young, irresponsible, misguided, lost at sea.  Disconnected from most of my world and myself but instantly connected to the little life that was handed to me in 1992.  That connection freed me to tap into myself.  The Who of who I am.

Let me reign myself in, here.  Before I go too existential I am referring to not a conscious decision to attachment parent but just a knowing and an awareness of my responsibility towards this life...and the other lives that have been shared with me.

....and so this connection gave way to homeschooling, or, the mindset to homeschool.

For me, public schooling was the opposite of this mindset.  Putting the kids into the local catholic school felt "safer" and okay because I had the illusion of control and also because I felt secure knowing that the Gospel is taught.  I felt secure knowing that everything taught was from the perspective that there is a loving God always  available through Jesus Christ.

But the things of this world have placed me into a position where I am living in Bizzaro:  working near full time, crockpot dinners, siblings minding the store, adjusting the priority of commitments to such a way that what I once thought of was most important has become, well, pushed aside for "later."

So am I still a homeschooler?  Well, I still have a 5th grader and a preschooler at home.  We'll still homeschool.  But there's been a paradigm shift in what I think is "best."  Truthfully, it's a shift in facing my fears and setting worry under a rock instead of my faith.

Relief?

I enrolled Jake in school.  Public school. 

God sure does have a sense a humor.  Joke's always on me.

I feel relieved, though, at turning over the ocean liner to Him.  Because it really has felt like an ocean liner.  And that's because I've been trying to steer it myself, all myself, for so long. 

The moments before I release my grip is always an eternity.  But with release comes renewal.

This is the longest lent I've ever lived through!

Living Out Loud

Do you live out loud?

Do your friends and family know all? 

In today's age of social media I suppose living out loud via facebook and twitter and even blogging are the norm.

But how much do we really share with one another?

I have a very close friend whose worries and joys I can list immediately.  And another whose struggles and triumphs are revealed after the wrap-up.

I don't think one style is acceptable over another.  But it's made me aware that I live pretty quietly.  My friends and family seem surprised when I reveal some inner working going on inside my psyche.

All this to say I'm not sure how I want this blogging to go anymore.  There's been alot of change in this corner and I'm still deciding how to proceed.  I just don't feel comfortable blogging about the process like my propensity not to share aloud the process with the intimates in my life.

My reflections are always valuable to me after the fact...maybe safer in a way as it allows me to edit ; )

What I Love About My Life

 Playing in the garden with Luke today.

.....About Week 30ish

This week and last we've been reading The Great Brain, by John D. Fitzgerald.  They've learned about the differences between outhouses and waterclosets, that a bathroom really was a room where you bathed and watching a guy dig a hole in your backyard is as fascinating to young boys today as it was in the 19th century. 

They also learned about intolerance, racism and where the term "knock your block off" and "chip on your shoulder" originated.

We read that kids have always had chores.  We learned how to make ice cream.  If I were a really good homeschooler I would have actually made ice cream with them but instead we just bought it and ate that.

We talked about money and inflation. 

We talked about bullys, fighting, pride and charity.

In between all this everyone kept current in their Math books.  Jake really does well when we go over a chapter together and then he follows up independently with Kahn Academy.  I like Khan, too, because his presentations take it a few steps further and Jake seems to have no trouble since he's been introduced to it with me in the text.

It was the last week of Art class and everyone is mighty disappointed but it was fun to look through all the projects to bring to a homeschool art show at a library at the end of the week.  Looking forward to next year's class.  It's a keeper.

Jake went to his writing class but missed the Math Circle he usually attends the same afternoon because I had an appointment and just couldn't swing getting him there.  I'm still not sure I love this Math Circle for him but he was disappointed that he missed it.

All in all most of our homeschooling has been coming from our read aloud; a real living book.  I could probably pull every subject out of this book, including math.  I borrowed it from the library but would like to purchase a copy.  I'd like to purchase the copy I borrowed because it's old and crackly and I love that : )

The Monster Inside the Brick and Mortar

Whenever I approached homeschooling my son he has always been interested but I would notice an air about him that seemed things weren't sinking in.  I cast off this observation as "he's a boy."  Or I would think I couldn't quite figure out what his learning style actually was.  I would try all sorts of back-door approaches and fun motivators. 

And all those attempts do appeal to him.  He's ever-smiling and always wants to do his best.  But he also gets frustrated easily.  He often feels confused when he's reading, writing or working.  His confidence in his academic abilities started to p.l.u.m.m.e.t.  My concerns rose significantly.  I kept "waiting" for his maturity to catch up to his capabilities.  I kept waiting for his intellect to develop to the point that it would all finally come together.

We decided to have him formally tested for learning disabilities through our local school district.  The majority of the people I consulted about this suggested avoiding the school district testing at all costs.  Go private testing, I was repeatedly advised.  Private testing is very, very expensive.  I looked into it.  It's too expensive for me to even pretend I could make affordable payments because my health insurance does not cover educational testing. 

I made the dreaded call to the school district.  Within 6 months my son sat in a school psychologist's office for all kinds of testing.  He enjoyed himself.  Yes, I said he enjoyed himself.  He liked visiting the school.  "They have tennis courts, a swimming pool and baseball fields, Mom."  I laughed because we live in an affluent school district.  I also laughed because I imagine he thinks he has all this at his disposal whenever he feels inclined to swim, or play tennis.  I can just see him packing a bathing suit in his schoolbag in case he decides to go for a swim.

Their testing indicated that Jake does, in fact, have significant deficits between his IQ and his performance.  They did assign him a label for special needs education if he were to attend the Middle School.  The program that's designed especially for him (IEP) was presented to us in a meeting with the principal of the middle school, the school psychologist, a teacher representative from his grade and the special education teacher. 

I was nervous and apprehensive to meet with the school personel.  I've heard plenty of accounts of what personel "really" think of homeschoolers.  I've heard absolute outrageous experiences about the treatment of some homeschool families by school staff.

I am happy to say this wasn't our experience, at all.

In fact, the principal was so encouraging and validating that I actually considered sending Jake to school!  The teacher, who initially seemed a bit cold warmed up by the end of the meeting and offered helpful suggestions and encouragement before we left.

However, their "specially designed program" was not much different than what is being provided to Jake at home, if not moreso because he's getting individualized education to the extreme, no?  Finding out the particular challenges Jake has in regards to how his brain processes information has been helpful to us and has eased the previous frustrations and anxiety that was present within Jake's homeschooling.

We are in the beginning of adjusting Jake's "individualized learning program."  His needs are such that a formal tutor may be required.  If the school offered services "cafeteria style" I would take them up on it.

I have met many homeschoolers who harbor as much animosity towards school as they feel is directed at them by the school.  I am fortunate that the district in which I reside has not fostered any outward contempt towards my family for our choice.  They didn't imply that if I had sent Jake to school that his challenge would have been caught sooner or that somehow homeschooling was a disservice to his budding intelligence. 

I really did go into that meeting with armour ready, defense prepared.  I never had to be defensive.

When I thanked the principal for his time his look was one of surprise and he replied, "He's a child in the district."  That statement left me feeling that whatever this team's personal feelings for homeschooling were, good or bad, those notions didn't surface.  They simply responded to my request.  I don't know, it just put the whole thing into perspective for me.

If I send Jake to school or I don't send him he'll still have to learn to work and live around his challenges.  He'll need to feel confident about his abilities to keep moving forward in pursuing his interests.

Not sure if going to school will make or break that process...and the same questions pops in my mind about homeschooling.  I do know he's homeschooled right now and I need to maximize his experience and the ideas I learn about how to do that.

The Difference Between Boys and Girls

We're reading a heck of great book.  It's a great book for boys but it's a great book for anyone. 

"The Great Brain," by John D. Fitzgerald is set in 1896 in Utah.  The story centers around three brothers and their community.  These boys, in particluar, the oldest boy, play games and pranks, get in fights, do chores and figure life out.

The chapter we just finished is titled "A Wreath for Abie."  In short Abie is an older jewish man who starves to death instead of asking for charity.  It's a very moving chapter.  Most touching is when Abie dies in Mama's arms after they carry him from his living quarters in his store to the boys' home.  I wasn't expecting that outcome.

After reading the passage describing Abie's passing I was choked up and the girls were teary, as well.  Jake had a smirk on his face.

"Jake, what could you possibly find amusing?"

Replies Jake, "I was just wondering about whose bed Abie died in.  The brothers are gonna probably tease whoever's bed it was."

Growing Pains and Taking My Own Advice

There's been an increase in the calls to home from college this semester.  Most of it good, some heartbreaks, and 1 medical emergency that had me driving two hours to the ER at 11 PM. 

All in all I find myself mothering Cassie through growing pains.  I suspect this is how it will always be because, let's face it, I'm still going through growing pains, too!

During our conversation yesterday, I was encouraging Cassie to stay true to herself.  She's going through a "rough patch" and was deciding whether or not to attend a function based on her current emotional low. 

I learned some time ago that true love is wanting and helping one to the "greater good."  It's more than just wishing the best for someone.  It's wanting to lift them to their greater good even if it means sacrifice on your part; and it usually does require great sacrifice.

In asking her to examine her decision based on humility (her true self) and love (what brings about the greater good) I realized in guiding her with the true love I feel for her I have been neglecting that advice for myself.  For too long I have been allowing my emotional state to guide me through decisions.

Whose the one who needs to grow up?  Yeah.  That would be me.

Enjoyment Wars

I've discovered that Tara and I really enjoy Science together.  It's one of my favorite subjects, though I don't think any of my former teachers would believe me. 

We are working through a course in Marine Biology created for middle-schoolers.  It's a good fit for a 7th-8th grader.  One of my 7th-8th graders anyway.  We both get so into it and I really think it's just because we both really like science.

I've also discovered Jake really enjoys listening to literature.  He loves a good story; especially when it's well written and humorous.  I am relieved that gratuitous, obvious humor, though gets a laugh from his 11 year old self, also is passed over quickly.  He does appreciate a well set up comedy.

Another discovery is Elaina's propension for crafts.  I wish I knew how to guide her better here.  She would choose any study if there's crafting involved.  If I can create a craft out of algebra she'd be an engineer for sure....one of those architectural design pads maybe?

So here's my rub:  I just can't seem to organize all this into a day.  Or rather, I do organize it into a day but that's the whole day. 

Today, for instance, I covered the essential math for the three and writing for Jake.  This was the whole morning.  Tara's science and our read aloud was the rest of the afternoon.  Elaina crafts as she listens. 

Where's the spelling, the grammar, the writing for Tara and Elaina? 

I feel I am constantly at odds with what's the priority.  And the time management.  And satisfying everyone's learning style and enjoyment without missing some important element.

Read. Understand. Write. Express. Calculate. Compute. Understand. Express. Enjoy.

This is how we're functioning.  Those are my basics. 

It's all moving so slowly, though.  It's moving slowly between parenting a high schooler and a college student, a parttime job with almost full time hours and a toddler who sneaks soda out of the pantry and ice cream out of the freezer while I'm distracted with read alouds, projects and the deep sea. 

The goal:  To instill a desire to learn, the know-how to learn and the intelligence to discern truth and express it with conviction and perhaps eloquence?

I'm still working on myself. 

Planning for Next Year...No Plan

I figured I was having the seasonal "homeschool burnout" that begins to hover the house around March-ish.  We just haven't gained much momentum since January. 

Maybe it was the change in evaluators.  Maybe it was trying to work in three different sciences and keep them all interesting.  Maybe it was the angst over my son's recent learning disability diagnosis.  Maybe it was our personal struggles that have plagued us for the past 3 years.  Maybe it was my employment after a 20 year hiatus.

Yeah...it was that life thing.  Life is making homeschooling burdensome.  So burdensome that I considered public school for everyone next year, including a preschool for Luke.  We are attending an open house at the public school next month.  The relief I expected to feel at the anticipation of the open house is not being felt.

It has occured to me that yet another major change...everyone going to school is adding in another stressor.  It has also occured to me that it's not really "homeschool burnout" but it's "life burnout."

We have lots of "stuff" going on in our family.  We are in need of refreshment.  That, of course, means different things to the differing personalities in our home.  We're figuring that out.

In the meantime, we are covering our basics of math and reading everyday.  Surprisingly I am not stressing out over this at all.  We are all carving out a space of the day to give attention to Luke's activities.  Working together like this is working for us.

The workboxes are ideal for us to keep on track and encourage personal responsibility.  However, they take away from the together part of our homeschool that's always been part of our homeschool personality.

And I have found that I just can't pull myself in 4 different directions; not in the middle of all life's recent charges anyway.

So we are reading together, plugging away at the math texts, playing with Luke and getting out of the house to learn in life.  I'm not even thinking about next year's homeschool, yet.  I'm not even thinking about next year's public schooling, yet.  I am keeping myself in the present and choosing live life instead of grinding against it.

Mother of One

While the homeschoolers are off to Disney with grandmom and Dad I am reliving the pleasure of mothering an only child.

...and what a pleasure it is!  I often joke how active Luke can be.  I think I speak more of his antics of jumping off the couch, scaling the posts of the 4 poster bed, jumping from the fifth step onto the landing, etc.

However, this week with everyone gone, dare I say, he seems...well...calmer.  He really does.  He is playing by himself and happily keeping himself entertained with the plethora of toys and activities that are available in his space.

I am relishing the quiet time playing with him. 

Yesterday I took him to the small local zoo for an outing.  I expected to be chasing him through the zoo and did not expect he would stop to notice the animals for more than a minute.

Though he really didn't stop and gaze at too many animals beyond the petting barn (my least favorite, by the way) he never veered too far from me and never engaged in the "chase me" nonsense that I had been geared up for. 

It was nice just to follow him along and not have to split my attention amongst the masses. 

Of course, the main attraction for Luke was the playground...I knew that going in.  I chuckled to myself that I basically paid $21 for Luke to play on the swings and slide.

I delighted observing Luke follow the same route to the slide.  I was impressed that he waited his turn on the tire swing without the "It's my turn" pout that is common at this age.  In fact, I found it funny that while he waited he posed a stance against the pole of leaning with his arm crossed and attempted to cross his ankles, too, indicating the "I'm Waiting" body language that he must've picked up here at home.

I don't know why but I was surprised when he announced he was hungry and willingly left the playground to sit and eat lunch.

I know that must sound stupid.  What kid doesn't leave and sit somewhere to eat when they're hungry? 

Luke.  I've seen him ignore hunger, nature-calls for potty, and exhaustion to continue to play outside or on playground equipment.

After lunch we visited the area with parrots and macaws.  As Luke greeted every other animal behind the fences, he says, "Hello ________ (fill in name of animal)"  The parrot answered, "Hello" clear as a bell.  Luke turned to me with such a curious look and said, "That bird just talked to me."  He said this with a tone that denoted disbelief and a "isn't that ridiculous" twinge. 

I wish I had more pictures of Luke observing the animals.  He was most interested in the eagles, koi and turtles.....and of course, the parrots and macaws.  He liked the flamingos and the turkey vultures.  Though little impressed with the active elk, timber wolf and big horns, he was really awed by the bison.  I remember Jake being impressed in the same way when he was a little guy.

I enjoyed just having Luke with me yesterday.  My observances of this "new" behavior are probably noticings of normal behavior that slips by me because it's so, well, normal.  The outrageous stuff is what catches my attention.   

I also particularly appreciated buying a cheap toy for Luke at the gift shop.  I usually can't or won't do that when it's everyone else in tow.  It'll cost more than the price of admission so unless everyone brings their own dollars, I bypass the gift shop altogether.

Getting Luke to the car was seamless.

I don't know why Luke's agreeable nature took me by surprise yesterday, but it did.  I think he's, on the average, pretty agreeable.  I guess I just don't notice it through the busyness of our family commotion.

Cassie, 19, will often reminisce, "Remember when it was just you and me, Mom?"  I always chuckle to myself because it was only "you and me, Mom" for 3 years.  But I guess with just a little sister for awhile it feels longer to her.

I remembered today, Cassie.  I remembered today and relished it with you.

God-given Lent

I am in a bit of a posting funk.  It's really feeling like a life funk, actually, but I'm trying to keep it light, here.

The change that has rippled through the house by my new hours working outside the house has been challenging on all of us; especially the children.  This combined with another personal challenge has caused us to redefine ourselves. 

Alot of change.  Change makes a mess a bit at first.  Then everything gets tidied and life falls into another routine.  The constant admist the upheaveal is faith and love.  God is both.  God is ever-faithful even when I am not. 

I am feeling as if I am walking over crevices and around a mess and I just can't seem to find that spot that will balance me enough to move forward. 

So I am taking that little piece of myself that will lean on my faith to balance me. 

It's a challenge.

I am grateful to my parents for giving me the structure of my faith in my formative years.  For the times that I lack the fervor, the childlike faith, and the will to seek I rely on the simple memorized prayers.  I rely on those small habits growing up in a culturally catholic home taught me.

Yesterday my son was confirmed into the church.  Though I spent most of the Mass traveling up and down the stairwell with Luke, taking Luke to the bathroom because he's currently obsessed with checking out every toilet of every establishment we enter, redirecting Luke away from the elevator, and finally sitting in the narthex with him sleeping on my shoulder, I did catch the last 5 minutes of the Bishop's homily.

Call on the Holy Spirit.  Use the first three words of the prayer to the Holy Spirit to refresh you, rescue you from temptation.  Open the soul and the heart wide to receive Him.  "Come, Holy Spirit."  He is faithful.  He will come.

My weary smile recalls the prayer said every morning and afternoon lead by Sister St. Joseph, my 6th grade teacher.  The very same prayer I heard my mother pray. 

"Come Holy Spirit.  Come fill the hearts of your faithful.  Enkindle within the fire of your love.  So they may be created and renew the face of the earth."

This lenten season I expected to be participating in the bible study group I've enjoyed in years past.  I expected to go through the same rituals and practices within my family that I've always relied upon. 

God had other plans.  Though emotionally I have felt removed from all things Lent and Easter, spiritually God is bringing me through Lent and preparing me for renewal.  It's not of anything I have been maintaining awareness.  Quite the opposite; I have been avoiding connecting with it.  But God doesn't let go.    He is faithful despite when I am not.







Debunking the Teenage Myth

My 16 year old and I recently went to the mall to get a dress for an upcoming dance at her high school.  If this were a weekly tv-drama, or, worse, a Disney-Channel "family series" than it surely would have played out as 1) a highly-charged argument where my teenager expresses herself with a point-of-view equivalent to a master-held psychologist while I stand across from her looking worried, sad and befuddled or 2) as an opportunity for my teenager to somehow highlight what a buffoon I really am with expert sarcasm posing at wit while I stand across from her looking dumb-founded and stupid.

Here's what went down in real life:

I picked her up from track practice since I had an unexpected evening off from work.  I told her since all the planets were aligned in our favor for a mall-trip that we could trek on over since it's around the corner and look at the dresses she saw online at a store there.

So far, so good.

We took the entrance through the sporting goods store.  I stopped midway to browse and noticed she was looking at a pair of running shorts.  I offered to get them for her.  She said no thanks and was shy about why.  On our way out I pressed her as to why she didn't want them when I know that she needs them for track since she is using one pair and I noticed she seemed to like them. 

She admitted she didn't want to get them because she is aware that money is tight for our family and these shorts are really an "extra" for me to buy; besides, I was about to purchase a dress, another "extra."  I assured her that because I offered to buy them it is because I am prepared to spend the money.  I also told her I appreciated her insight but because she's on a track team and practice is everyday, buying an extra pair of track shorts as to not wash the same ones everyday isn't an "extra" for me.

At this point in the dress store we seperated and started looking.  I chose one that I thought we both liked and she nodded but her face showed maybe not.  I walked away and left her to look through some herself.  I turned around and she's standing there behind me looking sullen.  "What's the matter?"  She shrugs.  "Are you going to try any dresses on?"  She shrugs.  I am getting slightly irritated.  "Did you find any others?"  She shakes her head no.  "Do you not like the one that you're holding?"  She shrugs.  I sigh.  Heavily.

I suggest she try it on.  She stands in the line of the dressing room and I back off.  I was getting the feeling she's rather embarrassed to be dress-shopping with her mother.  She seemed to be avoiding my eyes.  She seemed phsically uncomfortable when I approached.

Okay?  This is new.  My oldest daughter, now almost 20, never behaved this way.  She could care less she was seen out in public with me.  I really thought that was grossly exaggerated by other parents.  Wow, okay.  I feel humble. 

She comes up and says she doesn't want to try it on she wants to leave. 

I decide not to press her about it and I keep a light attitude and off we go.  I will ask her older sister to take her out if the 16 year old feels funny shopping with her mother.  Frankly, I was still reeling that she was uncomfortable being out with me in the first place. 

Leaving via the sporting goods store I offered once more to get her the shorts.  She mumbles an okay but "hangs back" while I check out.  I starting feeling like a pariah!  I thought I would speak to her about this after we got home.

She was quiet on the drive home. 

During the dinner clean-up my daughter approached me in the kitchen.  She said she wanted to apologize for her behavior in the store that afternoon.  I stopped what I was doing and turned to listen.  She said the talk about the track shorts suddenly made her aware that she was sweaty and gross after track practice.  She had on her gross sports bra.  She didn't want to try on clothes.  She felt self-conscious of her body.

I laughed and hugged her and said, "Oh!  I thought it was me!"  Then we talked about how those silent messages are sent and how others perceive us compared to the reality of what our perceptions of ourselves are, etc. 

After the exchange I thought of parents who "dread the teenage years."  Or others who complain about "those teenagers."  Now, I'm only going through my second one and I have another right behind her just starting out....and then a teenage boy which will be the same thing, brand new. 

I remember worrying about the teenage years when my kids were small.  Another insightful parent that I trusted reassured me that they don't turn into teenagers while you're not looking.  They don't leave your house and return a teenage kid you don't know.  You're growing with them.  You're leaving one stage and entering another together.  That makes it easy, see?

At the time I couldn't see the easy but I was reassured...and I continue to be.  We are growing together.  The way we relate to eachother changes but it's gradual and gentle.  It's not abrupt, disrespectful or angry.  It's challenging, interesting and enlightening.  The easy part is it's happening at the same time with one another.  In the store, as I noticed something happening I am in tune, aware and thoughtful about how I was going to proceed.  Sometimes my thoughtfulness works out and sometimes I err...badly....  But we're learning from eachother, I guess.

I just can't buy into what pop-culture sells about the parent-teenage dynamic.  I feel sad when others chalk up bad relations to "just being a teenager" like all hope is lost until they're 25.  It's exhausting but I plan to keep up the fight against Disney, the reality shows and the TV teenage dramas.  The only way to keep at it is the growing together everyday.

Of course, some days are better than others ; )

History and Hyperboles

Still working from workboxes keeps everyone on task for their independent work and keeps me on task for the things I consider need to be gone over everyday.  Math is moving along : )  Makes me mother happy.  The whiteboard has been a school-saver for Jake.  He works his practice set out on the whiteboard and for some reason, it makes all the difference in his speed and accuracy.  He's even able to catch his own mistakes and asks for help.

Spelling is another workbox filler.  I've seen that working on spelling together, everyday, is helping Jake's & Elaina's overall writing/composition skills and boosting their confidence tremendously.  The word-wall helps, too.

Reading together and reading alone is another must for me everyday.  History is the read together right now.  I just can't seem to fit in any novels to read aloud together with my new schedule.  So, I'm reading aloud SOTW in addition to a short story about the lesson and giving each kid their own stories pertaining to our history to read themselves.  Can I just confide that I am so thrilled Jake finished his reading in one week? 

Having everyone work in their grammar books is another everyday must.  For Jake & Elaina this never takes more than 20 minutes working with me.  For Tara, it's more intensive so we go through together mostly.

Friday I had intended to continue with WriteShop with Jake & Elaina.  To expand it for Tara I introduced Hyperboles and was going to have her (and them) incorporate the use of hyperbole in the writing project. 

It took a different turn.

Everyone gave great examples of hyperbole.  Then we talked about how hyperbole is used in advertising.  Somehow, by the end of the morning, we had three commercials recorded on the iTouch. 

What. a. riot.

I was laughing so hard the tears flooded the set.  (get it?)

I wanted to post them but the actors/directors/writers insisted that I do not!  Insisted! 

I made them show their dad and their aunt & uncle who stopped in Friday night. 

I do have permission to share that the products being presented in an exaggerated form were:  Doggie Love Dog Food that will make your dog's heart explode with love, Shake & Boom Pancake Mix that is so golden you would think your teeth will break (but they won't) and Demented Scented Nailpolish with scents like "Oh My Gosh, I Burnt My Toast" and will fill the entire house!

 

What We've Been Up To

Our daily rhythym has shifted with an underlying hint of anxiety from withing myself. 

Luke just celebrated his 3rd birthday recently.  Three.  It really hit me like a fist!  I swear he just got here last year!  But....the pack of diapers seems to last for weeks because he's really wearing underwear most of the day now.  And he laughs out loud with intention to people, happenings and things that strike him funny.  His communication is developing so that he says things like, "uh...maybe not!" and "...well, let's see...." and "stop! That's annoying!"

He also needs his own time for learning and play with me.  He stands at the little chalkboard hanging in the kitchen and tells me it's time to do math.  Then he draws lines and circles on the board and tells me there's lots of 4's and 5's.  His brain is begging for new things to see and do and that requires the time from me. 

So we shifted our school schedule to just the afternoons leaving mornings to go outside, play with Luke, read together, do chores, etc.  At first this schedule just came about in a natural way and I would worry that the older kids weren't getting what they needed, or I would worry about Jake or Tara slacking off of stuff or not getting something done at all. 

But that hasn't happened.  It helped that I formally "announced" this was how it was going to go down here for awhile.  This formality was really for myself.  Doing that somehow gave me permission to school that way. 

I'm surprised at how consistent we've been with things; religion everyday, math everyday, spelling everyday, reading.  I'll be reinstituting our Friday fun writing projects tomorrow.  I am also still keeping to alternating weeks with science and history...they've both been so, so much better studying these subjects on that schedule.  This week and last has been history.  I've even managed to work in the composer/music study I've had forever. 

The kids have enjoyed reconnecting and working at the table together and I feel relieved that if Luke takes a nap, then am getting uninterrupted time with the older kids, if he doesn't, than he will either sit with us and be a manageable nudge, watch a movie, play with Tara's iTouch, or sit in the classroom and play with his trucks and trains...in other words, he's easier to deal with and distract because he's had a morning of appropriate stimulation and attention.

I still can't take him to the library, though.  Maybe when he's four ; )

Still Homeschooling?

I feel like I'm in crisis-mode homeschooling...you know where you're just getting in the basics and getting the kids to and from all the outside activity stuff on time and calling it a success?  Yeah. 

Yesterday was such a beautiful day that I said to my husband I thought I might like to take the kids to the zoo since I had a day off.  Typically he's answer with an "uh-huh" or "sounds good" or "how much is that going to cost?"  But this time there was actual commentary!  He said, "Maybe you should do schoolwork instead.  Seems like everyone's falling behind." 

Falling behind?  Falling behind what?  I reminded him that one of the great things about homeschooling is that there is no "fall behind."  There is no keeping up with the rest of the class or the principal's agenda. 

Apparently this principal has an agenda.

To defend my impromptu field trip I whipped out Michele's progress report that just arrived in the mail along with her PSAT results that came with it.  "Look....Michele's in the 97th percentile for reading and math and I think we did math about three weeks out of the year when she was in, like, 5th grade!  In fact, her entire curriculum was whatever she read out of the library! 

"Well, I think you're taking them to the zoo because you feel guilty about leaving them to go to work.  So, if you want to take them to the zoo because you're all homeschooly and stuff than go ahead, but if you're trying to make yourself feel better about working than do them a favor and keep them on their regular scheduled homeschooling."

This is why he's the principal.  All those years I thought the nodding and the uh-huh-ing were living on the fringe of homeschooling and really leaving it all up to me was by a truer measure, faith, trust and approval of what we were doing and how we were living day-to-day.  Speaking up and pointing out a need for redirection is what a good husband, a good friend, should do. 

So I compromised ;)  On Thursday we covered math in the morning.  Then we went across the street to the park.  After Luke went for a nap we read history together.  We talked about King James and the Jamestowne colony.  Even though my history week should have started on Monday, it started on Thursday.  It continued today.  It'll flow through to next week.  There's a plan in the works and we're working on it together.

I'm glad I didn't abandon school completely on Thursday.  Yes, the zoo is still considered school, esp. since Elaina is so immersed in animals right now and Luke is so interested in them, too.  But it was important to get back on track.  It's necessary for us to not "fall behind".  Meaning, falling behind the outline I made in the beginning of the year.  We're finally leaving Europe behind and coming to America! 

Little by little I am catching up : )

Making Adjustments

Is change and transition smooth for any human?  It's not for this human. 

There's been a fair share of upheaval in my world.

I've had to get a job.  Having to get a job presents itself with its own set of adjustment challenges.  Check.

Adjusting to working outside my home after a 20+ year hiatus will have adjustments, too.  Check.

Reorganizing my entire life around a new schedule is just about putting me over the edge.  Not checked.  Still working on that.

Experiencing mother-guilt from a toddler before I leave for said job.  Pure agony.  "No purple shirt, mom.  Take it off."  (My "uniform" involves a purple shirt.)

Resisting the temptation to chuck the ever-comfortable homeschooling style I have adapted and give ourselves over to radical unschooling.  Checked, as of this morning.

Too Old for Algebra

I got a job.

It's a means to an end kind of job. 

There's big changes beginning here and this is the first baby-step.

Reflecting on the necessaries for me to implement and ultimately withstand these changes I am feeling my age.  Living like I'm 18 when I'm 44 is feeling like a slow hike up a large rock; it's exhilirating yet the pace allows too much time to talk myself out of it.  By that I mean the "world is at your feet, you can be anything you want" kind of living like I'm 18. 

Facing algebra and biology and chemistry were exciting and hopeful prospects at 18.  After reviewing functions with Tara yesterday I started feeling too old for algebra.  and chemistry.  and biology.  and being anything I want kind of thinking that sits in an 18 year old's take-off-like-a-rocket mind.

Trying to talk myself back into it this morning.

week 19

Elaina's completed planet project

3 stitches for Luke

art cards overdrive

mastering training wheels

with help...

Strategies for Learning Differences

My son has learning differences.  In addition to his writing, which is formally labeled "dysgraphia," he has processing issues.  He's quite a smart boy that processes information slower than the average bear.  He needs extra think time when he's asked a question or reflecting.  To help this think time move along he benefits from visual models and examples, like graphic organizers.

So far, this has helped Jake's writing process 100 percent.  It's very exciting for both Jake and me to have a start to a writing project and see its progress.  There's actually time for editing. 

Example:  Jake participates in a weekly writing workshop.  I thought he needed a class without his sisters, he could write with others and share ideas and he could gain confidence by seeing his writing in print.  Jake is a kid who needs a reason to write.  He doesn't write for the fun of it like his sisters do (or his mom.)  The workshop gives him that reason.

So.  The group is putting together a weekly newspaper.  His first contribution was a comic strip.  It was well-done and the joke made sense.  His next contribution is an article.  He had the choice to write fiction or non-fiction.  I really thought he'd choose the latter because non-fiction is easier for him to write....just reporting facts.  But he always surprises me.  It just reinforces that he's such a creative thinker and really enjoys a challenge.

The main challenge for him here was to start.  For me, starting is simple.  I have my own "prewriting" I do in my head, a little on paper, etc. and then I'm off and running.  Jake doesn't do that.  I googled graphic organizers for a newspaper article and downloaded two I liked.  He worked well with the sentence starters.

Because Jake's dyslexia/dysgraphia combined with his processing speed his phsycial writing presents with spelling problems and almost unreadable script.  What we do is dictation.  Jake dictates his ideas to me, and I jot them down on the white board.  Seeing his ideas on a large white board helps him clarify.  I jot down ideas instead of writing complete sentences to model for him a prewriting strategy for him to use.  By the way, Jake's writing frustrations are relieved when he uses dry-erase markers.  I don't know why, but this helps.

After he has his ideas down and he's worked through sequencing and flow, he goes to the computer.  Here he can type his article the way he thinks it should go.  Typing removes the blocks that physically writing seem to cause for him. 

Once he started I noticed he added a couple of other things he didn't mention initially.  He brought in another "character" and dialogue.  It's good progression for him.  Writing is starting to take shape.  After he types his first draft it helps Jake to take a physical break.

Lots of physical breaks in between brain power helps keep him moving through the day with a positive attitude and renewed energy.

We'll begin editing tomorrow using the whiteboard again.  On Friday when we usually do a writing project together we'll do another newspaper article of some sort.  Now that he's done a "walkthrough" he'll feel confident when our newspaper project is introduced on Friday.

I think we are both relieved to be noticing significant progress. 

Get Thee to a Pink Tower!

Luke is stacking everything....

I didn't snap a picture of him playing with the stacking cubes because everytime I point a camera at him he stops what he's doing and asks, "I see me?"  His focus while playing was so intense that I didn't want to interrupt it...so I just watched near him until he invited me to play with him.  He is getting better and noticing which boxes should be stacked next.  When he chooses one that's too large, he asks me to hold the stacked pile on top, without disturbing it, while he places the correct sized box in its proper spot.  Then he instructs me to replace the rest of the stack....it's a lot of pressure not to drop those stack boxes while holding them midair!  When I do, he shakes his head and says,"Oh Mom.  That's okay, I fix it."  He's so forgiving...


Luke has also been pulling out his puzzles.  I have a closet that's deep enough to serve as my homeschool material supply closet.  I usually have a bunch of stuff I rotate for Luke's space that I keep in there.  Well, Luke's not interested in playing over in his cute little area that's all set up just for him.  He prefers to sit in the tiny space afforded in that closet.  I found him in there the other day:

Here's where I found him while I was making his lunch one afternoon:

He barricaded himself into the closet and then got comfortable.  Not too long after:

Rest well, sleepy boy! 

The Planets, Consonant blends, Home Ec., Bubbles

This week has gone off course in a good way in our homeschool.

We are studying History and Science on alternate weeks.  This allows for a better flow of focus on our history/science topic and allows for more in-depth study of anything interesting that comes up, as well.  Elaina has discovered the overlap between history and science these last two weeks.

Last week, our History week, we read about Copernicus and Gallileo.  Learning that Copernicus is referred to the "Father of Astronomy" she took an interest in the planets.  She's pulled some books off our shelves about them, googled them and is creating a poster display to hang on her ceiling following the activity in Story of the World.  She's been working on this all week, our Science week, and so has put her animal study in Apologia aside.

I came down this morning and she had her work space all set up for herself.

Her planets painted and labeled, ready to be hung.

On Wed. the kids attend an art class for 1 1/2 hours.  This is the highlight of our week.  My mother-in-law graciously offered to take them to and from and then have them at her house for the day.  (One reason is the class takes place close to her house and far from mine.)

Because their classes are at different times, one in the AM and the other in the PM, Mom-Mom decided to give Tara some cooking lessons on her stand-by delivered meals; i.e. Shepards Pie & Chicken and Rice.  She wants Tara to write down the recipes and then print them out and create a recipe book, "Grandma's Cooking" or something like that.  There are so many things I love about this!  The Home-Ec., the special time with Mom-Mom, the creativity and the prospect of what the final result will be, and having all our favorite home-cooked meals from Mom-Mom in one place!  This is homeschooling at its best.

This picture is actually Tara in our kitchen making caramel apples....but it fits, doesn't it?

While they're at Mom-Mom's I put together some schoolwork for them to take.  Usually it's just a math practice or a brain teaser puzzle with their library books or science/history reading.  One of these puzzlers I packed used consonant blends as the focus.  This was just a really fun way for Jake to practice his spelling using blends.  He picked up on the pattern of the puzzle pretty quickly.  It's like we unlocked a box with new ways to combine letters; str, skr, scr, spl, spr. 

Now why at 11 1/2 years old is Jake just seeing these combinations?  Because even though he has been shown these before he will still spell the word "spray" s-p-e-r-a-y.  His learning difference is two-fold when it comes to writing.  He's an excellent decoder therefore he can spell any word phonetically.  He knows all the various sounds of the English language (ala The Writing Road to Reading).  However, his dyslexic tendency is to mix up the letters when he writes them, for ex., "scratch" might look like s-c-e-r-a-c-h-t or "increase" might look like i-n-c-r-a-s-r-e.  Though if he read them he would know they were incorrect.  He could verbally spell them correctly, as well.

The other reason these consonant blends seem "new to him" is because his processing is such that he needs lots of model and practice of the same material over and over.  However, once he "sees" it, once he knows it, it's never forgotten and always applied. 

So, this silly little worksheet puzzle about 3 letter consonant blends did the trick...or at least all the stars were aligned and he was in a good frame of mind and he got it that day.  So, I'll just give him more fun puzzles to practice other three letter combos and he'll notice it himself in his own writing.  (Look Mom!  There's a three consonant blend!)

While we've all been busy with these things Luke also wants to be busy, too.  Making colored bubbles, suggested to me by my friend whose homeschool is Montessori-based, saved many of our mornings!

Not sure if I execute as she does as I am not trained in Montessori.  But I put dishwashing soap into a bowl of water, he mixes it with a wisk to make bubbles then he takes droppers (I have pipettes) and transfers the colored water onto the bubbles. 

This was so fascinating to everyone that as you can see in the picture, Elaina waited her turn and then I caught Jake in the kitchen at the end of the day:

uh....could you just ignore the mess?  yeah, thanks....

That's our week and I'm glad to be back on track with my online homeschool record!  (Please give me back Be Not Afraid, Google!!!  Please????)


Linking up with Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers

"What's Something Funny I Did?"

I have heard this question by every one of my children at some point.  Mostly it's asked if I'm telling a funny story about one of the other kids.  It's come up alot lately since Luke is at a particularly entertaining age.  I get jammed up on occasion because I don't remember every funny utterance or activity, just the same stories that stick out in my brain.

In fact, I had already forgotten a funny about Luke until Tara saw a picture and laughed saying, "Don't do it...." and I gave her a strange look.  She said, "Don't you remember? When we'd say that he would put his finger in his nose?"  No.  I must've blocked that out.  But it was just only 2 years ago and I have forgotten.

So, as I remember the funnies, I'll put them here and they can read all about how amusing they were and are!

{Pretty, Happy, Funny, Real}

Well, it's official.  This new blog is official, I guess.  I'm linking up with one of my favorite blogs, Like Mother, Like Daughter for their Thursday linky about the context of the everyday.  I sure do miss Be Not Afraid and I still hope I get it back, but, in the mean time.....

{Pretty}

Tara baked this chocolate cheesecake today. She couldn't find my springform pan so she used this round pan.  I think it looks quite pretty.

 {Funny}

This is Luke's view from the tub.  Yesterday he lined these toys up and then proceeded to tell them to move down to the other side of the tub.  When he got no response he looked up at me and said, "Mom, they won't go."  I had to break it to him that they're toys.  He's not buying it.

 {Happy}

Okay, so on Be Not Afraid I featured 6 Clowns in a Car...this is the photo that went out in the Christmas cards I remembered to send:  6 Clowns in a Shopping Cart

{Real} 

Poor Tara....she is so upset her cheesecake fell apart when she tried to take it out of the pan....wish we could've found that springform for her.....still delicious....

Where's Mars?

I took Cassie to the airport this morning.  She's flying solo to visit her friend 5 states away for the weekend.  She booked the flight, and paid for it, herself.  Since she's legally an adult going beyond the security check was not allowed for me.  My husband suggested that I could just drop her off and go.  She has her boarding pass and her carry on, there wasn't any reason for me to hold her hand. 

I should preface this with the background info that when my children turn 13 they fly solo to visit my sister in Cape Cod.  Because they are minors I am permitted to hold their hand through security and ensure they board.  My sister catches them from the air as they parachute into her arms.  Kind of.  Anyway, the exchange is painless and the kids look forward to this special weekend with their aunt.  So, Cassie has flown by herself before as that would explain why she was not the least bit nervous.

I did caution her to NOT let her guard down for a minute; especially in the bathroom, to be aware of her surroundings, people, etc.  I couldn't help myself - I added that this WAS an international airport and she didn't want to enter the bathroom, only to find an ether-laced hankerchief on her nose and mouth and wake up in some unbeknownst country in God-knows-what kind of situation. 

She thought that I was the pot calling the kettle black with how much I complained about the amount of TV everyone watches.

She humored me and texted me after she got through security, when she boarded the plane, when she arrived, when she was in her friend's car on their way to her dorm and I just got word that she is at the dorm.  Again, I can't help myself - I texted her to have fun, be safe and take care of her diabetes. 

Do you think I'll still be saying that when she's 40?  Do you think she'll roll her eyes or move onto just ignoring me?

Don't worry...I also texted her to make sure her friend returns her to the airport at least 2 hours before her flight because this airport is smaller than ours and the lines at security are Disneyworld long! 

When I returned home I wasn't sure what to expect.  I wasn't as long as I anticipated so I really thought I'd walk in on the kids playing the Wii or watching a crummy movie. 

Instead I walked in to a quiet house.  Tara built a fort in her room and was reading to Luke in it.  Jake was making an early lunch and Elaina was working on her planet project.

"Where's Mars?," she asked when I walked in.

On the other side of worry in some unbeknownst country called adulthood.


"Here, let me help you."