So yesterday on our way home from Mass we spotted 3 baby deer in our neighbor's yard. Even though we deer practically every day or evening, I still get excited. "Oooohhhhhhh......look! There's deer!!!!!," I squeal, as if this is the first sighting of live deer I've ever experienced. My younger kids still share the excitement and hop up to look. The older ones roll their eyes and shake their heads. Cassie, the young adult, at least grants me a laugh, as if I'm the child and gives me a polite, "oh, yes, that's nice."
But yesterday, oh, we saw these babies and then we saw a baby fox running amongst them. Well! My husband pulled the car right over as if we were on the Great Adventure Safari.
"It has something in its mouth!" We watched the fox eat a....something.....maybe it's a mouse! "Uh-oh....the neighbor's cat is in the driveway....do you think the fox will get it? What about the deer?"
This exclaimed by the parents in the front seat. The kids in the back were begging, "Please, drive! This is so embarrassing....we are literally staring at the neighbor's house! We look like creepers! Go home! " They were sinking down into their seats.
Across the street we spotted the doe. "Look! There's the mom!"
Then my husband spotted a fourth baby deer. "Wow! There's four of them! That's unusual."
Luke and Elaina were the only ones still with us.
Later on in the afternoon, we were all gathered to watch Project Runway. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a huge bird land on a tree outside the window. Look! A hawk! My husband rushes to the window. No, that's a falcon! Wow! Look how huge that bird is!
Another one flies to the limb. They begin fighting for the space. These two huge birds, fat legs, vast wingspans, flapping around this tree right outside our window. Bill and I were ecstatic.
Michele pauses the program. She patiently waits for the excitement to pass. She's too cool.
We run to the other window across the house to watch the raptors fly across our yard into the thicket the lines our property.
"Wow, did you see them? I hear them every morning...the chicks sqawking....wonder what they're feeding them?"
The kids may think they're too cool for this nature in suburbia, but their sense of wonderment and excitement will return when their sharing the natural world with someone they love.
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Monday, August 20, 2012
Friday, June 22, 2012
Relief?
I enrolled Jake in school. Public school.
God sure does have a sense a humor. Joke's always on me.
I feel relieved, though, at turning over the ocean liner to Him. Because it really has felt like an ocean liner. And that's because I've been trying to steer it myself, all myself, for so long.
The moments before I release my grip is always an eternity. But with release comes renewal.
This is the longest lent I've ever lived through!
God sure does have a sense a humor. Joke's always on me.
I feel relieved, though, at turning over the ocean liner to Him. Because it really has felt like an ocean liner. And that's because I've been trying to steer it myself, all myself, for so long.
The moments before I release my grip is always an eternity. But with release comes renewal.
This is the longest lent I've ever lived through!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Growing Pains and Taking My Own Advice
There's been an increase in the calls to home from college this semester. Most of it good, some heartbreaks, and 1 medical emergency that had me driving two hours to the ER at 11 PM.
All in all I find myself mothering Cassie through growing pains. I suspect this is how it will always be because, let's face it, I'm still going through growing pains, too!
During our conversation yesterday, I was encouraging Cassie to stay true to herself. She's going through a "rough patch" and was deciding whether or not to attend a function based on her current emotional low.
I learned some time ago that true love is wanting and helping one to the "greater good." It's more than just wishing the best for someone. It's wanting to lift them to their greater good even if it means sacrifice on your part; and it usually does require great sacrifice.
In asking her to examine her decision based on humility (her true self) and love (what brings about the greater good) I realized in guiding her with the true love I feel for her I have been neglecting that advice for myself. For too long I have been allowing my emotional state to guide me through decisions.
Whose the one who needs to grow up? Yeah. That would be me.
All in all I find myself mothering Cassie through growing pains. I suspect this is how it will always be because, let's face it, I'm still going through growing pains, too!
During our conversation yesterday, I was encouraging Cassie to stay true to herself. She's going through a "rough patch" and was deciding whether or not to attend a function based on her current emotional low.
I learned some time ago that true love is wanting and helping one to the "greater good." It's more than just wishing the best for someone. It's wanting to lift them to their greater good even if it means sacrifice on your part; and it usually does require great sacrifice.
In asking her to examine her decision based on humility (her true self) and love (what brings about the greater good) I realized in guiding her with the true love I feel for her I have been neglecting that advice for myself. For too long I have been allowing my emotional state to guide me through decisions.
Whose the one who needs to grow up? Yeah. That would be me.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Enjoyment Wars
I've discovered that Tara and I really enjoy Science together. It's one of my favorite subjects, though I don't think any of my former teachers would believe me.
We are working through a course in Marine Biology created for middle-schoolers. It's a good fit for a 7th-8th grader. One of my 7th-8th graders anyway. We both get so into it and I really think it's just because we both really like science.
I've also discovered Jake really enjoys listening to literature. He loves a good story; especially when it's well written and humorous. I am relieved that gratuitous, obvious humor, though gets a laugh from his 11 year old self, also is passed over quickly. He does appreciate a well set up comedy.
Another discovery is Elaina's propension for crafts. I wish I knew how to guide her better here. She would choose any study if there's crafting involved. If I can create a craft out of algebra she'd be an engineer for sure....one of those architectural design pads maybe?
So here's my rub: I just can't seem to organize all this into a day. Or rather, I do organize it into a day but that's the whole day.
Today, for instance, I covered the essential math for the three and writing for Jake. This was the whole morning. Tara's science and our read aloud was the rest of the afternoon. Elaina crafts as she listens.
Where's the spelling, the grammar, the writing for Tara and Elaina?
I feel I am constantly at odds with what's the priority. And the time management. And satisfying everyone's learning style and enjoyment without missing some important element.
Read. Understand. Write. Express. Calculate. Compute. Understand. Express. Enjoy.
This is how we're functioning. Those are my basics.
It's all moving so slowly, though. It's moving slowly between parenting a high schooler and a college student, a parttime job with almost full time hours and a toddler who sneaks soda out of the pantry and ice cream out of the freezer while I'm distracted with read alouds, projects and the deep sea.
The goal: To instill a desire to learn, the know-how to learn and the intelligence to discern truth and express it with conviction and perhaps eloquence?
I'm still working on myself.
We are working through a course in Marine Biology created for middle-schoolers. It's a good fit for a 7th-8th grader. One of my 7th-8th graders anyway. We both get so into it and I really think it's just because we both really like science.
I've also discovered Jake really enjoys listening to literature. He loves a good story; especially when it's well written and humorous. I am relieved that gratuitous, obvious humor, though gets a laugh from his 11 year old self, also is passed over quickly. He does appreciate a well set up comedy.
Another discovery is Elaina's propension for crafts. I wish I knew how to guide her better here. She would choose any study if there's crafting involved. If I can create a craft out of algebra she'd be an engineer for sure....one of those architectural design pads maybe?
So here's my rub: I just can't seem to organize all this into a day. Or rather, I do organize it into a day but that's the whole day.
Today, for instance, I covered the essential math for the three and writing for Jake. This was the whole morning. Tara's science and our read aloud was the rest of the afternoon. Elaina crafts as she listens.
Where's the spelling, the grammar, the writing for Tara and Elaina?
I feel I am constantly at odds with what's the priority. And the time management. And satisfying everyone's learning style and enjoyment without missing some important element.
Read. Understand. Write. Express. Calculate. Compute. Understand. Express. Enjoy.
This is how we're functioning. Those are my basics.
It's all moving so slowly, though. It's moving slowly between parenting a high schooler and a college student, a parttime job with almost full time hours and a toddler who sneaks soda out of the pantry and ice cream out of the freezer while I'm distracted with read alouds, projects and the deep sea.
The goal: To instill a desire to learn, the know-how to learn and the intelligence to discern truth and express it with conviction and perhaps eloquence?
I'm still working on myself.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Planning for Next Year...No Plan
I figured I was having the seasonal "homeschool burnout" that begins to hover the house around March-ish. We just haven't gained much momentum since January.
Maybe it was the change in evaluators. Maybe it was trying to work in three different sciences and keep them all interesting. Maybe it was the angst over my son's recent learning disability diagnosis. Maybe it was our personal struggles that have plagued us for the past 3 years. Maybe it was my employment after a 20 year hiatus.
Yeah...it was that life thing. Life is making homeschooling burdensome. So burdensome that I considered public school for everyone next year, including a preschool for Luke. We are attending an open house at the public school next month. The relief I expected to feel at the anticipation of the open house is not being felt.
It has occured to me that yet another major change...everyone going to school is adding in another stressor. It has also occured to me that it's not really "homeschool burnout" but it's "life burnout."
We have lots of "stuff" going on in our family. We are in need of refreshment. That, of course, means different things to the differing personalities in our home. We're figuring that out.
In the meantime, we are covering our basics of math and reading everyday. Surprisingly I am not stressing out over this at all. We are all carving out a space of the day to give attention to Luke's activities. Working together like this is working for us.
The workboxes are ideal for us to keep on track and encourage personal responsibility. However, they take away from the together part of our homeschool that's always been part of our homeschool personality.
And I have found that I just can't pull myself in 4 different directions; not in the middle of all life's recent charges anyway.
So we are reading together, plugging away at the math texts, playing with Luke and getting out of the house to learn in life. I'm not even thinking about next year's homeschool, yet. I'm not even thinking about next year's public schooling, yet. I am keeping myself in the present and choosing live life instead of grinding against it.
Maybe it was the change in evaluators. Maybe it was trying to work in three different sciences and keep them all interesting. Maybe it was the angst over my son's recent learning disability diagnosis. Maybe it was our personal struggles that have plagued us for the past 3 years. Maybe it was my employment after a 20 year hiatus.
Yeah...it was that life thing. Life is making homeschooling burdensome. So burdensome that I considered public school for everyone next year, including a preschool for Luke. We are attending an open house at the public school next month. The relief I expected to feel at the anticipation of the open house is not being felt.
It has occured to me that yet another major change...everyone going to school is adding in another stressor. It has also occured to me that it's not really "homeschool burnout" but it's "life burnout."
We have lots of "stuff" going on in our family. We are in need of refreshment. That, of course, means different things to the differing personalities in our home. We're figuring that out.
In the meantime, we are covering our basics of math and reading everyday. Surprisingly I am not stressing out over this at all. We are all carving out a space of the day to give attention to Luke's activities. Working together like this is working for us.
The workboxes are ideal for us to keep on track and encourage personal responsibility. However, they take away from the together part of our homeschool that's always been part of our homeschool personality.
And I have found that I just can't pull myself in 4 different directions; not in the middle of all life's recent charges anyway.
So we are reading together, plugging away at the math texts, playing with Luke and getting out of the house to learn in life. I'm not even thinking about next year's homeschool, yet. I'm not even thinking about next year's public schooling, yet. I am keeping myself in the present and choosing live life instead of grinding against it.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Mother of One
While the homeschoolers are off to Disney with grandmom and Dad I am reliving the pleasure of mothering an only child.
...and what a pleasure it is! I often joke how active Luke can be. I think I speak more of his antics of jumping off the couch, scaling the posts of the 4 poster bed, jumping from the fifth step onto the landing, etc.
However, this week with everyone gone, dare I say, he seems...well...calmer. He really does. He is playing by himself and happily keeping himself entertained with the plethora of toys and activities that are available in his space.
I am relishing the quiet time playing with him.
Yesterday I took him to the small local zoo for an outing. I expected to be chasing him through the zoo and did not expect he would stop to notice the animals for more than a minute.
Though he really didn't stop and gaze at too many animals beyond the petting barn (my least favorite, by the way) he never veered too far from me and never engaged in the "chase me" nonsense that I had been geared up for.
It was nice just to follow him along and not have to split my attention amongst the masses.
Of course, the main attraction for Luke was the playground...I knew that going in. I chuckled to myself that I basically paid $21 for Luke to play on the swings and slide.
I delighted observing Luke follow the same route to the slide. I was impressed that he waited his turn on the tire swing without the "It's my turn" pout that is common at this age. In fact, I found it funny that while he waited he posed a stance against the pole of leaning with his arm crossed and attempted to cross his ankles, too, indicating the "I'm Waiting" body language that he must've picked up here at home.
I don't know why but I was surprised when he announced he was hungry and willingly left the playground to sit and eat lunch.
I know that must sound stupid. What kid doesn't leave and sit somewhere to eat when they're hungry?
Luke. I've seen him ignore hunger, nature-calls for potty, and exhaustion to continue to play outside or on playground equipment.
After lunch we visited the area with parrots and macaws. As Luke greeted every other animal behind the fences, he says, "Hello ________ (fill in name of animal)" The parrot answered, "Hello" clear as a bell. Luke turned to me with such a curious look and said, "That bird just talked to me." He said this with a tone that denoted disbelief and a "isn't that ridiculous" twinge.
I wish I had more pictures of Luke observing the animals. He was most interested in the eagles, koi and turtles.....and of course, the parrots and macaws. He liked the flamingos and the turkey vultures. Though little impressed with the active elk, timber wolf and big horns, he was really awed by the bison. I remember Jake being impressed in the same way when he was a little guy.
I enjoyed just having Luke with me yesterday. My observances of this "new" behavior are probably noticings of normal behavior that slips by me because it's so, well, normal. The outrageous stuff is what catches my attention.
I also particularly appreciated buying a cheap toy for Luke at the gift shop. I usually can't or won't do that when it's everyone else in tow. It'll cost more than the price of admission so unless everyone brings their own dollars, I bypass the gift shop altogether.
Getting Luke to the car was seamless.
I don't know why Luke's agreeable nature took me by surprise yesterday, but it did. I think he's, on the average, pretty agreeable. I guess I just don't notice it through the busyness of our family commotion.
Cassie, 19, will often reminisce, "Remember when it was just you and me, Mom?" I always chuckle to myself because it was only "you and me, Mom" for 3 years. But I guess with just a little sister for awhile it feels longer to her.
I remembered today, Cassie. I remembered today and relished it with you.
...and what a pleasure it is! I often joke how active Luke can be. I think I speak more of his antics of jumping off the couch, scaling the posts of the 4 poster bed, jumping from the fifth step onto the landing, etc.
However, this week with everyone gone, dare I say, he seems...well...calmer. He really does. He is playing by himself and happily keeping himself entertained with the plethora of toys and activities that are available in his space.
I am relishing the quiet time playing with him.
Yesterday I took him to the small local zoo for an outing. I expected to be chasing him through the zoo and did not expect he would stop to notice the animals for more than a minute.
Though he really didn't stop and gaze at too many animals beyond the petting barn (my least favorite, by the way) he never veered too far from me and never engaged in the "chase me" nonsense that I had been geared up for.
It was nice just to follow him along and not have to split my attention amongst the masses.
Of course, the main attraction for Luke was the playground...I knew that going in. I chuckled to myself that I basically paid $21 for Luke to play on the swings and slide.
I delighted observing Luke follow the same route to the slide. I was impressed that he waited his turn on the tire swing without the "It's my turn" pout that is common at this age. In fact, I found it funny that while he waited he posed a stance against the pole of leaning with his arm crossed and attempted to cross his ankles, too, indicating the "I'm Waiting" body language that he must've picked up here at home.
I don't know why but I was surprised when he announced he was hungry and willingly left the playground to sit and eat lunch.
I know that must sound stupid. What kid doesn't leave and sit somewhere to eat when they're hungry?
Luke. I've seen him ignore hunger, nature-calls for potty, and exhaustion to continue to play outside or on playground equipment.
After lunch we visited the area with parrots and macaws. As Luke greeted every other animal behind the fences, he says, "Hello ________ (fill in name of animal)" The parrot answered, "Hello" clear as a bell. Luke turned to me with such a curious look and said, "That bird just talked to me." He said this with a tone that denoted disbelief and a "isn't that ridiculous" twinge.
I wish I had more pictures of Luke observing the animals. He was most interested in the eagles, koi and turtles.....and of course, the parrots and macaws. He liked the flamingos and the turkey vultures. Though little impressed with the active elk, timber wolf and big horns, he was really awed by the bison. I remember Jake being impressed in the same way when he was a little guy.
I enjoyed just having Luke with me yesterday. My observances of this "new" behavior are probably noticings of normal behavior that slips by me because it's so, well, normal. The outrageous stuff is what catches my attention.
I also particularly appreciated buying a cheap toy for Luke at the gift shop. I usually can't or won't do that when it's everyone else in tow. It'll cost more than the price of admission so unless everyone brings their own dollars, I bypass the gift shop altogether.
Getting Luke to the car was seamless.
I don't know why Luke's agreeable nature took me by surprise yesterday, but it did. I think he's, on the average, pretty agreeable. I guess I just don't notice it through the busyness of our family commotion.
Cassie, 19, will often reminisce, "Remember when it was just you and me, Mom?" I always chuckle to myself because it was only "you and me, Mom" for 3 years. But I guess with just a little sister for awhile it feels longer to her.
I remembered today, Cassie. I remembered today and relished it with you.
Friday, March 30, 2012
God-given Lent
I am in a bit of a posting funk. It's really feeling like a life funk, actually, but I'm trying to keep it light, here.
The change that has rippled through the house by my new hours working outside the house has been challenging on all of us; especially the children. This combined with another personal challenge has caused us to redefine ourselves.
Alot of change. Change makes a mess a bit at first. Then everything gets tidied and life falls into another routine. The constant admist the upheaveal is faith and love. God is both. God is ever-faithful even when I am not.
I am feeling as if I am walking over crevices and around a mess and I just can't seem to find that spot that will balance me enough to move forward.
So I am taking that little piece of myself that will lean on my faith to balance me.
It's a challenge.
I am grateful to my parents for giving me the structure of my faith in my formative years. For the times that I lack the fervor, the childlike faith, and the will to seek I rely on the simple memorized prayers. I rely on those small habits growing up in a culturally catholic home taught me.
Yesterday my son was confirmed into the church. Though I spent most of the Mass traveling up and down the stairwell with Luke, taking Luke to the bathroom because he's currently obsessed with checking out every toilet of every establishment we enter, redirecting Luke away from the elevator, and finally sitting in the narthex with him sleeping on my shoulder, I did catch the last 5 minutes of the Bishop's homily.
Call on the Holy Spirit. Use the first three words of the prayer to the Holy Spirit to refresh you, rescue you from temptation. Open the soul and the heart wide to receive Him. "Come, Holy Spirit." He is faithful. He will come.
My weary smile recalls the prayer said every morning and afternoon lead by Sister St. Joseph, my 6th grade teacher. The very same prayer I heard my mother pray.
The change that has rippled through the house by my new hours working outside the house has been challenging on all of us; especially the children. This combined with another personal challenge has caused us to redefine ourselves.
Alot of change. Change makes a mess a bit at first. Then everything gets tidied and life falls into another routine. The constant admist the upheaveal is faith and love. God is both. God is ever-faithful even when I am not.
I am feeling as if I am walking over crevices and around a mess and I just can't seem to find that spot that will balance me enough to move forward.
So I am taking that little piece of myself that will lean on my faith to balance me.
It's a challenge.
I am grateful to my parents for giving me the structure of my faith in my formative years. For the times that I lack the fervor, the childlike faith, and the will to seek I rely on the simple memorized prayers. I rely on those small habits growing up in a culturally catholic home taught me.
Yesterday my son was confirmed into the church. Though I spent most of the Mass traveling up and down the stairwell with Luke, taking Luke to the bathroom because he's currently obsessed with checking out every toilet of every establishment we enter, redirecting Luke away from the elevator, and finally sitting in the narthex with him sleeping on my shoulder, I did catch the last 5 minutes of the Bishop's homily.
Call on the Holy Spirit. Use the first three words of the prayer to the Holy Spirit to refresh you, rescue you from temptation. Open the soul and the heart wide to receive Him. "Come, Holy Spirit." He is faithful. He will come.
My weary smile recalls the prayer said every morning and afternoon lead by Sister St. Joseph, my 6th grade teacher. The very same prayer I heard my mother pray.
"Come Holy Spirit. Come fill the hearts of your faithful. Enkindle within the fire of your love. So they may be created and renew the face of the earth."
This lenten season I expected to be participating in the bible study group I've enjoyed in years past. I expected to go through the same rituals and practices within my family that I've always relied upon.
God had other plans. Though emotionally I have felt removed from all things Lent and Easter, spiritually God is bringing me through Lent and preparing me for renewal. It's not of anything I have been maintaining awareness. Quite the opposite; I have been avoiding connecting with it. But God doesn't let go. He is faithful despite when I am not.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Debunking the Teenage Myth
My 16 year old and I recently went to the mall to get a dress for an upcoming dance at her high school. If this were a weekly tv-drama, or, worse, a Disney-Channel "family series" than it surely would have played out as 1) a highly-charged argument where my teenager expresses herself with a point-of-view equivalent to a master-held psychologist while I stand across from her looking worried, sad and befuddled or 2) as an opportunity for my teenager to somehow highlight what a buffoon I really am with expert sarcasm posing at wit while I stand across from her looking dumb-founded and stupid.
Here's what went down in real life:
I picked her up from track practice since I had an unexpected evening off from work. I told her since all the planets were aligned in our favor for a mall-trip that we could trek on over since it's around the corner and look at the dresses she saw online at a store there.
So far, so good.
We took the entrance through the sporting goods store. I stopped midway to browse and noticed she was looking at a pair of running shorts. I offered to get them for her. She said no thanks and was shy about why. On our way out I pressed her as to why she didn't want them when I know that she needs them for track since she is using one pair and I noticed she seemed to like them.
She admitted she didn't want to get them because she is aware that money is tight for our family and these shorts are really an "extra" for me to buy; besides, I was about to purchase a dress, another "extra." I assured her that because I offered to buy them it is because I am prepared to spend the money. I also told her I appreciated her insight but because she's on a track team and practice is everyday, buying an extra pair of track shorts as to not wash the same ones everyday isn't an "extra" for me.
At this point in the dress store we seperated and started looking. I chose one that I thought we both liked and she nodded but her face showed maybe not. I walked away and left her to look through some herself. I turned around and she's standing there behind me looking sullen. "What's the matter?" She shrugs. "Are you going to try any dresses on?" She shrugs. I am getting slightly irritated. "Did you find any others?" She shakes her head no. "Do you not like the one that you're holding?" She shrugs. I sigh. Heavily.
I suggest she try it on. She stands in the line of the dressing room and I back off. I was getting the feeling she's rather embarrassed to be dress-shopping with her mother. She seemed to be avoiding my eyes. She seemed phsically uncomfortable when I approached.
Okay? This is new. My oldest daughter, now almost 20, never behaved this way. She could care less she was seen out in public with me. I really thought that was grossly exaggerated by other parents. Wow, okay. I feel humble.
She comes up and says she doesn't want to try it on she wants to leave.
I decide not to press her about it and I keep a light attitude and off we go. I will ask her older sister to take her out if the 16 year old feels funny shopping with her mother. Frankly, I was still reeling that she was uncomfortable being out with me in the first place.
Leaving via the sporting goods store I offered once more to get her the shorts. She mumbles an okay but "hangs back" while I check out. I starting feeling like a pariah! I thought I would speak to her about this after we got home.
She was quiet on the drive home.
During the dinner clean-up my daughter approached me in the kitchen. She said she wanted to apologize for her behavior in the store that afternoon. I stopped what I was doing and turned to listen. She said the talk about the track shorts suddenly made her aware that she was sweaty and gross after track practice. She had on her gross sports bra. She didn't want to try on clothes. She felt self-conscious of her body.
I laughed and hugged her and said, "Oh! I thought it was me!" Then we talked about how those silent messages are sent and how others perceive us compared to the reality of what our perceptions of ourselves are, etc.
After the exchange I thought of parents who "dread the teenage years." Or others who complain about "those teenagers." Now, I'm only going through my second one and I have another right behind her just starting out....and then a teenage boy which will be the same thing, brand new.
I remember worrying about the teenage years when my kids were small. Another insightful parent that I trusted reassured me that they don't turn into teenagers while you're not looking. They don't leave your house and return a teenage kid you don't know. You're growing with them. You're leaving one stage and entering another together. That makes it easy, see?
At the time I couldn't see the easy but I was reassured...and I continue to be. We are growing together. The way we relate to eachother changes but it's gradual and gentle. It's not abrupt, disrespectful or angry. It's challenging, interesting and enlightening. The easy part is it's happening at the same time with one another. In the store, as I noticed something happening I am in tune, aware and thoughtful about how I was going to proceed. Sometimes my thoughtfulness works out and sometimes I err...badly.... But we're learning from eachother, I guess.
I just can't buy into what pop-culture sells about the parent-teenage dynamic. I feel sad when others chalk up bad relations to "just being a teenager" like all hope is lost until they're 25. It's exhausting but I plan to keep up the fight against Disney, the reality shows and the TV teenage dramas. The only way to keep at it is the growing together everyday.
Of course, some days are better than others ; )
Here's what went down in real life:
I picked her up from track practice since I had an unexpected evening off from work. I told her since all the planets were aligned in our favor for a mall-trip that we could trek on over since it's around the corner and look at the dresses she saw online at a store there.
So far, so good.
We took the entrance through the sporting goods store. I stopped midway to browse and noticed she was looking at a pair of running shorts. I offered to get them for her. She said no thanks and was shy about why. On our way out I pressed her as to why she didn't want them when I know that she needs them for track since she is using one pair and I noticed she seemed to like them.
She admitted she didn't want to get them because she is aware that money is tight for our family and these shorts are really an "extra" for me to buy; besides, I was about to purchase a dress, another "extra." I assured her that because I offered to buy them it is because I am prepared to spend the money. I also told her I appreciated her insight but because she's on a track team and practice is everyday, buying an extra pair of track shorts as to not wash the same ones everyday isn't an "extra" for me.
At this point in the dress store we seperated and started looking. I chose one that I thought we both liked and she nodded but her face showed maybe not. I walked away and left her to look through some herself. I turned around and she's standing there behind me looking sullen. "What's the matter?" She shrugs. "Are you going to try any dresses on?" She shrugs. I am getting slightly irritated. "Did you find any others?" She shakes her head no. "Do you not like the one that you're holding?" She shrugs. I sigh. Heavily.
I suggest she try it on. She stands in the line of the dressing room and I back off. I was getting the feeling she's rather embarrassed to be dress-shopping with her mother. She seemed to be avoiding my eyes. She seemed phsically uncomfortable when I approached.
Okay? This is new. My oldest daughter, now almost 20, never behaved this way. She could care less she was seen out in public with me. I really thought that was grossly exaggerated by other parents. Wow, okay. I feel humble.
She comes up and says she doesn't want to try it on she wants to leave.
I decide not to press her about it and I keep a light attitude and off we go. I will ask her older sister to take her out if the 16 year old feels funny shopping with her mother. Frankly, I was still reeling that she was uncomfortable being out with me in the first place.
Leaving via the sporting goods store I offered once more to get her the shorts. She mumbles an okay but "hangs back" while I check out. I starting feeling like a pariah! I thought I would speak to her about this after we got home.
She was quiet on the drive home.
During the dinner clean-up my daughter approached me in the kitchen. She said she wanted to apologize for her behavior in the store that afternoon. I stopped what I was doing and turned to listen. She said the talk about the track shorts suddenly made her aware that she was sweaty and gross after track practice. She had on her gross sports bra. She didn't want to try on clothes. She felt self-conscious of her body.
I laughed and hugged her and said, "Oh! I thought it was me!" Then we talked about how those silent messages are sent and how others perceive us compared to the reality of what our perceptions of ourselves are, etc.
After the exchange I thought of parents who "dread the teenage years." Or others who complain about "those teenagers." Now, I'm only going through my second one and I have another right behind her just starting out....and then a teenage boy which will be the same thing, brand new.
I remember worrying about the teenage years when my kids were small. Another insightful parent that I trusted reassured me that they don't turn into teenagers while you're not looking. They don't leave your house and return a teenage kid you don't know. You're growing with them. You're leaving one stage and entering another together. That makes it easy, see?
At the time I couldn't see the easy but I was reassured...and I continue to be. We are growing together. The way we relate to eachother changes but it's gradual and gentle. It's not abrupt, disrespectful or angry. It's challenging, interesting and enlightening. The easy part is it's happening at the same time with one another. In the store, as I noticed something happening I am in tune, aware and thoughtful about how I was going to proceed. Sometimes my thoughtfulness works out and sometimes I err...badly.... But we're learning from eachother, I guess.
I just can't buy into what pop-culture sells about the parent-teenage dynamic. I feel sad when others chalk up bad relations to "just being a teenager" like all hope is lost until they're 25. It's exhausting but I plan to keep up the fight against Disney, the reality shows and the TV teenage dramas. The only way to keep at it is the growing together everyday.
Of course, some days are better than others ; )
Thursday, March 15, 2012
What We've Been Up To
Our daily rhythym has shifted with an underlying hint of anxiety from withing myself.
Luke just celebrated his 3rd birthday recently. Three. It really hit me like a fist! I swear he just got here last year! But....the pack of diapers seems to last for weeks because he's really wearing underwear most of the day now. And he laughs out loud with intention to people, happenings and things that strike him funny. His communication is developing so that he says things like, "uh...maybe not!" and "...well, let's see...." and "stop! That's annoying!"
He also needs his own time for learning and play with me. He stands at the little chalkboard hanging in the kitchen and tells me it's time to do math. Then he draws lines and circles on the board and tells me there's lots of 4's and 5's. His brain is begging for new things to see and do and that requires the time from me.
So we shifted our school schedule to just the afternoons leaving mornings to go outside, play with Luke, read together, do chores, etc. At first this schedule just came about in a natural way and I would worry that the older kids weren't getting what they needed, or I would worry about Jake or Tara slacking off of stuff or not getting something done at all.
But that hasn't happened. It helped that I formally "announced" this was how it was going to go down here for awhile. This formality was really for myself. Doing that somehow gave me permission to school that way.
I'm surprised at how consistent we've been with things; religion everyday, math everyday, spelling everyday, reading. I'll be reinstituting our Friday fun writing projects tomorrow. I am also still keeping to alternating weeks with science and history...they've both been so, so much better studying these subjects on that schedule. This week and last has been history. I've even managed to work in the composer/music study I've had forever.
The kids have enjoyed reconnecting and working at the table together and I feel relieved that if Luke takes a nap, then am getting uninterrupted time with the older kids, if he doesn't, than he will either sit with us and be a manageable nudge, watch a movie, play with Tara's iTouch, or sit in the classroom and play with his trucks and trains...in other words, he's easier to deal with and distract because he's had a morning of appropriate stimulation and attention.
I still can't take him to the library, though. Maybe when he's four ; )
Luke just celebrated his 3rd birthday recently. Three. It really hit me like a fist! I swear he just got here last year! But....the pack of diapers seems to last for weeks because he's really wearing underwear most of the day now. And he laughs out loud with intention to people, happenings and things that strike him funny. His communication is developing so that he says things like, "uh...maybe not!" and "...well, let's see...." and "stop! That's annoying!"
He also needs his own time for learning and play with me. He stands at the little chalkboard hanging in the kitchen and tells me it's time to do math. Then he draws lines and circles on the board and tells me there's lots of 4's and 5's. His brain is begging for new things to see and do and that requires the time from me.
So we shifted our school schedule to just the afternoons leaving mornings to go outside, play with Luke, read together, do chores, etc. At first this schedule just came about in a natural way and I would worry that the older kids weren't getting what they needed, or I would worry about Jake or Tara slacking off of stuff or not getting something done at all.
But that hasn't happened. It helped that I formally "announced" this was how it was going to go down here for awhile. This formality was really for myself. Doing that somehow gave me permission to school that way.
I'm surprised at how consistent we've been with things; religion everyday, math everyday, spelling everyday, reading. I'll be reinstituting our Friday fun writing projects tomorrow. I am also still keeping to alternating weeks with science and history...they've both been so, so much better studying these subjects on that schedule. This week and last has been history. I've even managed to work in the composer/music study I've had forever.
The kids have enjoyed reconnecting and working at the table together and I feel relieved that if Luke takes a nap, then am getting uninterrupted time with the older kids, if he doesn't, than he will either sit with us and be a manageable nudge, watch a movie, play with Tara's iTouch, or sit in the classroom and play with his trucks and trains...in other words, he's easier to deal with and distract because he's had a morning of appropriate stimulation and attention.
I still can't take him to the library, though. Maybe when he's four ; )
Friday, March 9, 2012
Still Homeschooling?
I feel like I'm in crisis-mode homeschooling...you know where you're just getting in the basics and getting the kids to and from all the outside activity stuff on time and calling it a success? Yeah.
Yesterday was such a beautiful day that I said to my husband I thought I might like to take the kids to the zoo since I had a day off. Typically he's answer with an "uh-huh" or "sounds good" or "how much is that going to cost?" But this time there was actual commentary! He said, "Maybe you should do schoolwork instead. Seems like everyone's falling behind."
Falling behind? Falling behind what? I reminded him that one of the great things about homeschooling is that there is no "fall behind." There is no keeping up with the rest of the class or the principal's agenda.
Apparently this principal has an agenda.
To defend my impromptu field trip I whipped out Michele's progress report that just arrived in the mail along with her PSAT results that came with it. "Look....Michele's in the 97th percentile for reading and math and I think we did math about three weeks out of the year when she was in, like, 5th grade! In fact, her entire curriculum was whatever she read out of the library!
"Well, I think you're taking them to the zoo because you feel guilty about leaving them to go to work. So, if you want to take them to the zoo because you're all homeschooly and stuff than go ahead, but if you're trying to make yourself feel better about working than do them a favor and keep them on their regular scheduled homeschooling."
This is why he's the principal. All those years I thought the nodding and the uh-huh-ing were living on the fringe of homeschooling and really leaving it all up to me was by a truer measure, faith, trust and approval of what we were doing and how we were living day-to-day. Speaking up and pointing out a need for redirection is what a good husband, a good friend, should do.
So I compromised ;) On Thursday we covered math in the morning. Then we went across the street to the park. After Luke went for a nap we read history together. We talked about King James and the Jamestowne colony. Even though my history week should have started on Monday, it started on Thursday. It continued today. It'll flow through to next week. There's a plan in the works and we're working on it together.
I'm glad I didn't abandon school completely on Thursday. Yes, the zoo is still considered school, esp. since Elaina is so immersed in animals right now and Luke is so interested in them, too. But it was important to get back on track. It's necessary for us to not "fall behind". Meaning, falling behind the outline I made in the beginning of the year. We're finally leaving Europe behind and coming to America!
Little by little I am catching up : )
Yesterday was such a beautiful day that I said to my husband I thought I might like to take the kids to the zoo since I had a day off. Typically he's answer with an "uh-huh" or "sounds good" or "how much is that going to cost?" But this time there was actual commentary! He said, "Maybe you should do schoolwork instead. Seems like everyone's falling behind."
Falling behind? Falling behind what? I reminded him that one of the great things about homeschooling is that there is no "fall behind." There is no keeping up with the rest of the class or the principal's agenda.
Apparently this principal has an agenda.
To defend my impromptu field trip I whipped out Michele's progress report that just arrived in the mail along with her PSAT results that came with it. "Look....Michele's in the 97th percentile for reading and math and I think we did math about three weeks out of the year when she was in, like, 5th grade! In fact, her entire curriculum was whatever she read out of the library!
"Well, I think you're taking them to the zoo because you feel guilty about leaving them to go to work. So, if you want to take them to the zoo because you're all homeschooly and stuff than go ahead, but if you're trying to make yourself feel better about working than do them a favor and keep them on their regular scheduled homeschooling."
This is why he's the principal. All those years I thought the nodding and the uh-huh-ing were living on the fringe of homeschooling and really leaving it all up to me was by a truer measure, faith, trust and approval of what we were doing and how we were living day-to-day. Speaking up and pointing out a need for redirection is what a good husband, a good friend, should do.
So I compromised ;) On Thursday we covered math in the morning. Then we went across the street to the park. After Luke went for a nap we read history together. We talked about King James and the Jamestowne colony. Even though my history week should have started on Monday, it started on Thursday. It continued today. It'll flow through to next week. There's a plan in the works and we're working on it together.
I'm glad I didn't abandon school completely on Thursday. Yes, the zoo is still considered school, esp. since Elaina is so immersed in animals right now and Luke is so interested in them, too. But it was important to get back on track. It's necessary for us to not "fall behind". Meaning, falling behind the outline I made in the beginning of the year. We're finally leaving Europe behind and coming to America!
Little by little I am catching up : )
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Too Old for Algebra
I got a job.
It's a means to an end kind of job.
There's big changes beginning here and this is the first baby-step.
Reflecting on the necessaries for me to implement and ultimately withstand these changes I am feeling my age. Living like I'm 18 when I'm 44 is feeling like a slow hike up a large rock; it's exhilirating yet the pace allows too much time to talk myself out of it. By that I mean the "world is at your feet, you can be anything you want" kind of living like I'm 18.
Facing algebra and biology and chemistry were exciting and hopeful prospects at 18. After reviewing functions with Tara yesterday I started feeling too old for algebra. and chemistry. and biology. and being anything I want kind of thinking that sits in an 18 year old's take-off-like-a-rocket mind.
Trying to talk myself back into it this morning.
It's a means to an end kind of job.
There's big changes beginning here and this is the first baby-step.
Reflecting on the necessaries for me to implement and ultimately withstand these changes I am feeling my age. Living like I'm 18 when I'm 44 is feeling like a slow hike up a large rock; it's exhilirating yet the pace allows too much time to talk myself out of it. By that I mean the "world is at your feet, you can be anything you want" kind of living like I'm 18.
Facing algebra and biology and chemistry were exciting and hopeful prospects at 18. After reviewing functions with Tara yesterday I started feeling too old for algebra. and chemistry. and biology. and being anything I want kind of thinking that sits in an 18 year old's take-off-like-a-rocket mind.
Trying to talk myself back into it this morning.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Pssst....Let's Keep This on the Down Low.....
Before I homeschooled, had teenagers, read blogs, or recovered my faith I used to know everything. I felt sorry for the other mom's who didn't have the awarenesses of how children develop like I did. Poor suckers. Surely when their kids were unruly, misbehaved, fresh or otherwise succombing to the sinful nature that is inherent in being human they had no one to blame but themselves...Oh! The ignorance!
So I'm in the library with a hood and sunglasses checking out "Toddler Time, 150 Easy Ways to Keep Them Busy, Sare & Happy" and "Year 'Round Activities for Three-Year-Old Children." On the cover of these books are images of calm, toddlers playing contentedly. I wanted something in the line of "What the Heck Can I Play with This Kid When His Brothers and Sisters are Gone for the Day?" or "Acitivities that Engage a Three-Year-Old for More Than 45 Seconds." I'm hoping the librarian doesn't comment on the reading material and strike up a conversation forcing me to deny the 5 other children I have and lying that this is my first child.
Seriously.
I have no idea how to parent an only child.
There is a 7 year gap between my last two children. Bill jokingly refers to the first five children as the "first family."
I am feeling as terrified as a new mother. On the upside the terror has smothered any residual smug that I had lingering.
I'm really unsure if it's my lack of experience with hanging out with just one toddler all day or if I'm trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Either way, I am trying to recover that "go with the flow of the child" thing with my dear Luke. What holds me back is "going with the flow" with Luke might mean taking that giant parachute most toddlers use as a fun circle game and pitching ourselves off the roof with it. I'm just not up for that, you know?
I was whining to my sister that I just don't recall the other kids being so.....busy. so.....daring. so......dangerous to themselves and others.
My sister said I sounded like Mom with selective memory loss.
Mom? SHE'S A GRANDMOTHER! She's allowed to have selective memory loss based on being out of the game for so long!!!!!!!
Yeah, Mom, she says.
Don't you remember Jake climbing to the top of the refrigerator in the middle of the night? Don't you remember when he used to climb on top of Bill's truck and pee off the side? Don't you remember when he snuck out of the house and was found running down the train tracks? Or the stitches in the eye three weeks after stitches on the outside of the other eye? Don't you remember......stop.....please.....I beg you.....just. stop.
What did I do? Was I freaking out? I don't remember freaking out? I don't remember not knowing what to do with him? And it's not that I don't know what to do with Luke, either. I've done lots with him. All the regular toddler stuff. Playdoh, cutting (one of his favorite things to do which is why I've purchased three wired mouses for the computer last year before wising up and getting a wireless mouse.), puzzles, blocks, (but prove to be dangerous as he mostly enjoys chucking them as those heavy things have a better feel in his throw than a silly old ball), reading books to him, trucks, cars, trains, etc.
But he really wants to jump, run, move, jump, jump, jump.
We went to the ice skating rink last week. His main interest was the upper level, about 15 feet up, and asking if he could jump. Uh, no. Another parent with three children under the age of 5, all sitting calmly on the bleachers watching their older brother skate watched in judgement at my son scaling the bleachers for over an hour. His baby girl, looked to be about 1, sat in her stroller the entire 2 hours we were there.
Sheer amazement. No WAY would Luke have EVER sat that long. In fact, I've passed that stroller along because he just won't sit in it at all...he prefers to be moving. No sitting.
Meanwhile, I am flipping through the pages of these reads shaking my head. No, that won't work. Already did that. We'll try again.
I'm going back to the library to find a toddler activity book with a title like, "Activities for Three-Year-Olds That Can Only Be Done While Moving Large Muscles."
Any recommendations?
So I'm in the library with a hood and sunglasses checking out "Toddler Time, 150 Easy Ways to Keep Them Busy, Sare & Happy" and "Year 'Round Activities for Three-Year-Old Children." On the cover of these books are images of calm, toddlers playing contentedly. I wanted something in the line of "What the Heck Can I Play with This Kid When His Brothers and Sisters are Gone for the Day?" or "Acitivities that Engage a Three-Year-Old for More Than 45 Seconds." I'm hoping the librarian doesn't comment on the reading material and strike up a conversation forcing me to deny the 5 other children I have and lying that this is my first child.
Seriously.
I have no idea how to parent an only child.
There is a 7 year gap between my last two children. Bill jokingly refers to the first five children as the "first family."
I am feeling as terrified as a new mother. On the upside the terror has smothered any residual smug that I had lingering.
I'm really unsure if it's my lack of experience with hanging out with just one toddler all day or if I'm trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Either way, I am trying to recover that "go with the flow of the child" thing with my dear Luke. What holds me back is "going with the flow" with Luke might mean taking that giant parachute most toddlers use as a fun circle game and pitching ourselves off the roof with it. I'm just not up for that, you know?
I was whining to my sister that I just don't recall the other kids being so.....busy. so.....daring. so......dangerous to themselves and others.
My sister said I sounded like Mom with selective memory loss.
Mom? SHE'S A GRANDMOTHER! She's allowed to have selective memory loss based on being out of the game for so long!!!!!!!
Yeah, Mom, she says.
Don't you remember Jake climbing to the top of the refrigerator in the middle of the night? Don't you remember when he used to climb on top of Bill's truck and pee off the side? Don't you remember when he snuck out of the house and was found running down the train tracks? Or the stitches in the eye three weeks after stitches on the outside of the other eye? Don't you remember......stop.....please.....I beg you.....just. stop.
What did I do? Was I freaking out? I don't remember freaking out? I don't remember not knowing what to do with him? And it's not that I don't know what to do with Luke, either. I've done lots with him. All the regular toddler stuff. Playdoh, cutting (one of his favorite things to do which is why I've purchased three wired mouses for the computer last year before wising up and getting a wireless mouse.), puzzles, blocks, (but prove to be dangerous as he mostly enjoys chucking them as those heavy things have a better feel in his throw than a silly old ball), reading books to him, trucks, cars, trains, etc.
But he really wants to jump, run, move, jump, jump, jump.
We went to the ice skating rink last week. His main interest was the upper level, about 15 feet up, and asking if he could jump. Uh, no. Another parent with three children under the age of 5, all sitting calmly on the bleachers watching their older brother skate watched in judgement at my son scaling the bleachers for over an hour. His baby girl, looked to be about 1, sat in her stroller the entire 2 hours we were there.
Sheer amazement. No WAY would Luke have EVER sat that long. In fact, I've passed that stroller along because he just won't sit in it at all...he prefers to be moving. No sitting.
Meanwhile, I am flipping through the pages of these reads shaking my head. No, that won't work. Already did that. We'll try again.
I'm going back to the library to find a toddler activity book with a title like, "Activities for Three-Year-Olds That Can Only Be Done While Moving Large Muscles."
Any recommendations?
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