God-given Lent

I am in a bit of a posting funk.  It's really feeling like a life funk, actually, but I'm trying to keep it light, here.

The change that has rippled through the house by my new hours working outside the house has been challenging on all of us; especially the children.  This combined with another personal challenge has caused us to redefine ourselves. 

Alot of change.  Change makes a mess a bit at first.  Then everything gets tidied and life falls into another routine.  The constant admist the upheaveal is faith and love.  God is both.  God is ever-faithful even when I am not. 

I am feeling as if I am walking over crevices and around a mess and I just can't seem to find that spot that will balance me enough to move forward. 

So I am taking that little piece of myself that will lean on my faith to balance me. 

It's a challenge.

I am grateful to my parents for giving me the structure of my faith in my formative years.  For the times that I lack the fervor, the childlike faith, and the will to seek I rely on the simple memorized prayers.  I rely on those small habits growing up in a culturally catholic home taught me.

Yesterday my son was confirmed into the church.  Though I spent most of the Mass traveling up and down the stairwell with Luke, taking Luke to the bathroom because he's currently obsessed with checking out every toilet of every establishment we enter, redirecting Luke away from the elevator, and finally sitting in the narthex with him sleeping on my shoulder, I did catch the last 5 minutes of the Bishop's homily.

Call on the Holy Spirit.  Use the first three words of the prayer to the Holy Spirit to refresh you, rescue you from temptation.  Open the soul and the heart wide to receive Him.  "Come, Holy Spirit."  He is faithful.  He will come.

My weary smile recalls the prayer said every morning and afternoon lead by Sister St. Joseph, my 6th grade teacher.  The very same prayer I heard my mother pray. 

"Come Holy Spirit.  Come fill the hearts of your faithful.  Enkindle within the fire of your love.  So they may be created and renew the face of the earth."

This lenten season I expected to be participating in the bible study group I've enjoyed in years past.  I expected to go through the same rituals and practices within my family that I've always relied upon. 

God had other plans.  Though emotionally I have felt removed from all things Lent and Easter, spiritually God is bringing me through Lent and preparing me for renewal.  It's not of anything I have been maintaining awareness.  Quite the opposite; I have been avoiding connecting with it.  But God doesn't let go.    He is faithful despite when I am not.