God-given Lent

I am in a bit of a posting funk.  It's really feeling like a life funk, actually, but I'm trying to keep it light, here.

The change that has rippled through the house by my new hours working outside the house has been challenging on all of us; especially the children.  This combined with another personal challenge has caused us to redefine ourselves. 

Alot of change.  Change makes a mess a bit at first.  Then everything gets tidied and life falls into another routine.  The constant admist the upheaveal is faith and love.  God is both.  God is ever-faithful even when I am not. 

I am feeling as if I am walking over crevices and around a mess and I just can't seem to find that spot that will balance me enough to move forward. 

So I am taking that little piece of myself that will lean on my faith to balance me. 

It's a challenge.

I am grateful to my parents for giving me the structure of my faith in my formative years.  For the times that I lack the fervor, the childlike faith, and the will to seek I rely on the simple memorized prayers.  I rely on those small habits growing up in a culturally catholic home taught me.

Yesterday my son was confirmed into the church.  Though I spent most of the Mass traveling up and down the stairwell with Luke, taking Luke to the bathroom because he's currently obsessed with checking out every toilet of every establishment we enter, redirecting Luke away from the elevator, and finally sitting in the narthex with him sleeping on my shoulder, I did catch the last 5 minutes of the Bishop's homily.

Call on the Holy Spirit.  Use the first three words of the prayer to the Holy Spirit to refresh you, rescue you from temptation.  Open the soul and the heart wide to receive Him.  "Come, Holy Spirit."  He is faithful.  He will come.

My weary smile recalls the prayer said every morning and afternoon lead by Sister St. Joseph, my 6th grade teacher.  The very same prayer I heard my mother pray. 

"Come Holy Spirit.  Come fill the hearts of your faithful.  Enkindle within the fire of your love.  So they may be created and renew the face of the earth."

This lenten season I expected to be participating in the bible study group I've enjoyed in years past.  I expected to go through the same rituals and practices within my family that I've always relied upon. 

God had other plans.  Though emotionally I have felt removed from all things Lent and Easter, spiritually God is bringing me through Lent and preparing me for renewal.  It's not of anything I have been maintaining awareness.  Quite the opposite; I have been avoiding connecting with it.  But God doesn't let go.    He is faithful despite when I am not.







Debunking the Teenage Myth

My 16 year old and I recently went to the mall to get a dress for an upcoming dance at her high school.  If this were a weekly tv-drama, or, worse, a Disney-Channel "family series" than it surely would have played out as 1) a highly-charged argument where my teenager expresses herself with a point-of-view equivalent to a master-held psychologist while I stand across from her looking worried, sad and befuddled or 2) as an opportunity for my teenager to somehow highlight what a buffoon I really am with expert sarcasm posing at wit while I stand across from her looking dumb-founded and stupid.

Here's what went down in real life:

I picked her up from track practice since I had an unexpected evening off from work.  I told her since all the planets were aligned in our favor for a mall-trip that we could trek on over since it's around the corner and look at the dresses she saw online at a store there.

So far, so good.

We took the entrance through the sporting goods store.  I stopped midway to browse and noticed she was looking at a pair of running shorts.  I offered to get them for her.  She said no thanks and was shy about why.  On our way out I pressed her as to why she didn't want them when I know that she needs them for track since she is using one pair and I noticed she seemed to like them. 

She admitted she didn't want to get them because she is aware that money is tight for our family and these shorts are really an "extra" for me to buy; besides, I was about to purchase a dress, another "extra."  I assured her that because I offered to buy them it is because I am prepared to spend the money.  I also told her I appreciated her insight but because she's on a track team and practice is everyday, buying an extra pair of track shorts as to not wash the same ones everyday isn't an "extra" for me.

At this point in the dress store we seperated and started looking.  I chose one that I thought we both liked and she nodded but her face showed maybe not.  I walked away and left her to look through some herself.  I turned around and she's standing there behind me looking sullen.  "What's the matter?"  She shrugs.  "Are you going to try any dresses on?"  She shrugs.  I am getting slightly irritated.  "Did you find any others?"  She shakes her head no.  "Do you not like the one that you're holding?"  She shrugs.  I sigh.  Heavily.

I suggest she try it on.  She stands in the line of the dressing room and I back off.  I was getting the feeling she's rather embarrassed to be dress-shopping with her mother.  She seemed to be avoiding my eyes.  She seemed phsically uncomfortable when I approached.

Okay?  This is new.  My oldest daughter, now almost 20, never behaved this way.  She could care less she was seen out in public with me.  I really thought that was grossly exaggerated by other parents.  Wow, okay.  I feel humble. 

She comes up and says she doesn't want to try it on she wants to leave. 

I decide not to press her about it and I keep a light attitude and off we go.  I will ask her older sister to take her out if the 16 year old feels funny shopping with her mother.  Frankly, I was still reeling that she was uncomfortable being out with me in the first place. 

Leaving via the sporting goods store I offered once more to get her the shorts.  She mumbles an okay but "hangs back" while I check out.  I starting feeling like a pariah!  I thought I would speak to her about this after we got home.

She was quiet on the drive home. 

During the dinner clean-up my daughter approached me in the kitchen.  She said she wanted to apologize for her behavior in the store that afternoon.  I stopped what I was doing and turned to listen.  She said the talk about the track shorts suddenly made her aware that she was sweaty and gross after track practice.  She had on her gross sports bra.  She didn't want to try on clothes.  She felt self-conscious of her body.

I laughed and hugged her and said, "Oh!  I thought it was me!"  Then we talked about how those silent messages are sent and how others perceive us compared to the reality of what our perceptions of ourselves are, etc. 

After the exchange I thought of parents who "dread the teenage years."  Or others who complain about "those teenagers."  Now, I'm only going through my second one and I have another right behind her just starting out....and then a teenage boy which will be the same thing, brand new. 

I remember worrying about the teenage years when my kids were small.  Another insightful parent that I trusted reassured me that they don't turn into teenagers while you're not looking.  They don't leave your house and return a teenage kid you don't know.  You're growing with them.  You're leaving one stage and entering another together.  That makes it easy, see?

At the time I couldn't see the easy but I was reassured...and I continue to be.  We are growing together.  The way we relate to eachother changes but it's gradual and gentle.  It's not abrupt, disrespectful or angry.  It's challenging, interesting and enlightening.  The easy part is it's happening at the same time with one another.  In the store, as I noticed something happening I am in tune, aware and thoughtful about how I was going to proceed.  Sometimes my thoughtfulness works out and sometimes I err...badly....  But we're learning from eachother, I guess.

I just can't buy into what pop-culture sells about the parent-teenage dynamic.  I feel sad when others chalk up bad relations to "just being a teenager" like all hope is lost until they're 25.  It's exhausting but I plan to keep up the fight against Disney, the reality shows and the TV teenage dramas.  The only way to keep at it is the growing together everyday.

Of course, some days are better than others ; )

History and Hyperboles

Still working from workboxes keeps everyone on task for their independent work and keeps me on task for the things I consider need to be gone over everyday.  Math is moving along : )  Makes me mother happy.  The whiteboard has been a school-saver for Jake.  He works his practice set out on the whiteboard and for some reason, it makes all the difference in his speed and accuracy.  He's even able to catch his own mistakes and asks for help.

Spelling is another workbox filler.  I've seen that working on spelling together, everyday, is helping Jake's & Elaina's overall writing/composition skills and boosting their confidence tremendously.  The word-wall helps, too.

Reading together and reading alone is another must for me everyday.  History is the read together right now.  I just can't seem to fit in any novels to read aloud together with my new schedule.  So, I'm reading aloud SOTW in addition to a short story about the lesson and giving each kid their own stories pertaining to our history to read themselves.  Can I just confide that I am so thrilled Jake finished his reading in one week? 

Having everyone work in their grammar books is another everyday must.  For Jake & Elaina this never takes more than 20 minutes working with me.  For Tara, it's more intensive so we go through together mostly.

Friday I had intended to continue with WriteShop with Jake & Elaina.  To expand it for Tara I introduced Hyperboles and was going to have her (and them) incorporate the use of hyperbole in the writing project. 

It took a different turn.

Everyone gave great examples of hyperbole.  Then we talked about how hyperbole is used in advertising.  Somehow, by the end of the morning, we had three commercials recorded on the iTouch. 

What. a. riot.

I was laughing so hard the tears flooded the set.  (get it?)

I wanted to post them but the actors/directors/writers insisted that I do not!  Insisted! 

I made them show their dad and their aunt & uncle who stopped in Friday night. 

I do have permission to share that the products being presented in an exaggerated form were:  Doggie Love Dog Food that will make your dog's heart explode with love, Shake & Boom Pancake Mix that is so golden you would think your teeth will break (but they won't) and Demented Scented Nailpolish with scents like "Oh My Gosh, I Burnt My Toast" and will fill the entire house!

 

What We've Been Up To

Our daily rhythym has shifted with an underlying hint of anxiety from withing myself. 

Luke just celebrated his 3rd birthday recently.  Three.  It really hit me like a fist!  I swear he just got here last year!  But....the pack of diapers seems to last for weeks because he's really wearing underwear most of the day now.  And he laughs out loud with intention to people, happenings and things that strike him funny.  His communication is developing so that he says things like, "uh...maybe not!" and "...well, let's see...." and "stop! That's annoying!"

He also needs his own time for learning and play with me.  He stands at the little chalkboard hanging in the kitchen and tells me it's time to do math.  Then he draws lines and circles on the board and tells me there's lots of 4's and 5's.  His brain is begging for new things to see and do and that requires the time from me. 

So we shifted our school schedule to just the afternoons leaving mornings to go outside, play with Luke, read together, do chores, etc.  At first this schedule just came about in a natural way and I would worry that the older kids weren't getting what they needed, or I would worry about Jake or Tara slacking off of stuff or not getting something done at all. 

But that hasn't happened.  It helped that I formally "announced" this was how it was going to go down here for awhile.  This formality was really for myself.  Doing that somehow gave me permission to school that way. 

I'm surprised at how consistent we've been with things; religion everyday, math everyday, spelling everyday, reading.  I'll be reinstituting our Friday fun writing projects tomorrow.  I am also still keeping to alternating weeks with science and history...they've both been so, so much better studying these subjects on that schedule.  This week and last has been history.  I've even managed to work in the composer/music study I've had forever. 

The kids have enjoyed reconnecting and working at the table together and I feel relieved that if Luke takes a nap, then am getting uninterrupted time with the older kids, if he doesn't, than he will either sit with us and be a manageable nudge, watch a movie, play with Tara's iTouch, or sit in the classroom and play with his trucks and trains...in other words, he's easier to deal with and distract because he's had a morning of appropriate stimulation and attention.

I still can't take him to the library, though.  Maybe when he's four ; )

Still Homeschooling?

I feel like I'm in crisis-mode homeschooling...you know where you're just getting in the basics and getting the kids to and from all the outside activity stuff on time and calling it a success?  Yeah. 

Yesterday was such a beautiful day that I said to my husband I thought I might like to take the kids to the zoo since I had a day off.  Typically he's answer with an "uh-huh" or "sounds good" or "how much is that going to cost?"  But this time there was actual commentary!  He said, "Maybe you should do schoolwork instead.  Seems like everyone's falling behind." 

Falling behind?  Falling behind what?  I reminded him that one of the great things about homeschooling is that there is no "fall behind."  There is no keeping up with the rest of the class or the principal's agenda. 

Apparently this principal has an agenda.

To defend my impromptu field trip I whipped out Michele's progress report that just arrived in the mail along with her PSAT results that came with it.  "Look....Michele's in the 97th percentile for reading and math and I think we did math about three weeks out of the year when she was in, like, 5th grade!  In fact, her entire curriculum was whatever she read out of the library! 

"Well, I think you're taking them to the zoo because you feel guilty about leaving them to go to work.  So, if you want to take them to the zoo because you're all homeschooly and stuff than go ahead, but if you're trying to make yourself feel better about working than do them a favor and keep them on their regular scheduled homeschooling."

This is why he's the principal.  All those years I thought the nodding and the uh-huh-ing were living on the fringe of homeschooling and really leaving it all up to me was by a truer measure, faith, trust and approval of what we were doing and how we were living day-to-day.  Speaking up and pointing out a need for redirection is what a good husband, a good friend, should do. 

So I compromised ;)  On Thursday we covered math in the morning.  Then we went across the street to the park.  After Luke went for a nap we read history together.  We talked about King James and the Jamestowne colony.  Even though my history week should have started on Monday, it started on Thursday.  It continued today.  It'll flow through to next week.  There's a plan in the works and we're working on it together.

I'm glad I didn't abandon school completely on Thursday.  Yes, the zoo is still considered school, esp. since Elaina is so immersed in animals right now and Luke is so interested in them, too.  But it was important to get back on track.  It's necessary for us to not "fall behind".  Meaning, falling behind the outline I made in the beginning of the year.  We're finally leaving Europe behind and coming to America! 

Little by little I am catching up : )

Making Adjustments

Is change and transition smooth for any human?  It's not for this human. 

There's been a fair share of upheaval in my world.

I've had to get a job.  Having to get a job presents itself with its own set of adjustment challenges.  Check.

Adjusting to working outside my home after a 20+ year hiatus will have adjustments, too.  Check.

Reorganizing my entire life around a new schedule is just about putting me over the edge.  Not checked.  Still working on that.

Experiencing mother-guilt from a toddler before I leave for said job.  Pure agony.  "No purple shirt, mom.  Take it off."  (My "uniform" involves a purple shirt.)

Resisting the temptation to chuck the ever-comfortable homeschooling style I have adapted and give ourselves over to radical unschooling.  Checked, as of this morning.