Homeschool Dropout

I could subtitle this What are You Really Afraid of?

So I almost have two kids enrolled in public school.

Excuse me while I pause for a reality check...............................

Just rereading that last thought has me asking my buck-the-system-self, "Who are you?  Really?"

I'm a homeschooler.  I've been a homeschooler when I had my first daughter; unmarried, young, irresponsible, misguided, lost at sea.  Disconnected from most of my world and myself but instantly connected to the little life that was handed to me in 1992.  That connection freed me to tap into myself.  The Who of who I am.

Let me reign myself in, here.  Before I go too existential I am referring to not a conscious decision to attachment parent but just a knowing and an awareness of my responsibility towards this life...and the other lives that have been shared with me.

....and so this connection gave way to homeschooling, or, the mindset to homeschool.

For me, public schooling was the opposite of this mindset.  Putting the kids into the local catholic school felt "safer" and okay because I had the illusion of control and also because I felt secure knowing that the Gospel is taught.  I felt secure knowing that everything taught was from the perspective that there is a loving God always  available through Jesus Christ.

But the things of this world have placed me into a position where I am living in Bizzaro:  working near full time, crockpot dinners, siblings minding the store, adjusting the priority of commitments to such a way that what I once thought of was most important has become, well, pushed aside for "later."

So am I still a homeschooler?  Well, I still have a 5th grader and a preschooler at home.  We'll still homeschool.  But there's been a paradigm shift in what I think is "best."  Truthfully, it's a shift in facing my fears and setting worry under a rock instead of my faith.

Enjoyment Wars

I've discovered that Tara and I really enjoy Science together.  It's one of my favorite subjects, though I don't think any of my former teachers would believe me. 

We are working through a course in Marine Biology created for middle-schoolers.  It's a good fit for a 7th-8th grader.  One of my 7th-8th graders anyway.  We both get so into it and I really think it's just because we both really like science.

I've also discovered Jake really enjoys listening to literature.  He loves a good story; especially when it's well written and humorous.  I am relieved that gratuitous, obvious humor, though gets a laugh from his 11 year old self, also is passed over quickly.  He does appreciate a well set up comedy.

Another discovery is Elaina's propension for crafts.  I wish I knew how to guide her better here.  She would choose any study if there's crafting involved.  If I can create a craft out of algebra she'd be an engineer for sure....one of those architectural design pads maybe?

So here's my rub:  I just can't seem to organize all this into a day.  Or rather, I do organize it into a day but that's the whole day. 

Today, for instance, I covered the essential math for the three and writing for Jake.  This was the whole morning.  Tara's science and our read aloud was the rest of the afternoon.  Elaina crafts as she listens. 

Where's the spelling, the grammar, the writing for Tara and Elaina? 

I feel I am constantly at odds with what's the priority.  And the time management.  And satisfying everyone's learning style and enjoyment without missing some important element.

Read. Understand. Write. Express. Calculate. Compute. Understand. Express. Enjoy.

This is how we're functioning.  Those are my basics. 

It's all moving so slowly, though.  It's moving slowly between parenting a high schooler and a college student, a parttime job with almost full time hours and a toddler who sneaks soda out of the pantry and ice cream out of the freezer while I'm distracted with read alouds, projects and the deep sea. 

The goal:  To instill a desire to learn, the know-how to learn and the intelligence to discern truth and express it with conviction and perhaps eloquence?

I'm still working on myself. 

Planning for Next Year...No Plan

I figured I was having the seasonal "homeschool burnout" that begins to hover the house around March-ish.  We just haven't gained much momentum since January. 

Maybe it was the change in evaluators.  Maybe it was trying to work in three different sciences and keep them all interesting.  Maybe it was the angst over my son's recent learning disability diagnosis.  Maybe it was our personal struggles that have plagued us for the past 3 years.  Maybe it was my employment after a 20 year hiatus.

Yeah...it was that life thing.  Life is making homeschooling burdensome.  So burdensome that I considered public school for everyone next year, including a preschool for Luke.  We are attending an open house at the public school next month.  The relief I expected to feel at the anticipation of the open house is not being felt.

It has occured to me that yet another major change...everyone going to school is adding in another stressor.  It has also occured to me that it's not really "homeschool burnout" but it's "life burnout."

We have lots of "stuff" going on in our family.  We are in need of refreshment.  That, of course, means different things to the differing personalities in our home.  We're figuring that out.

In the meantime, we are covering our basics of math and reading everyday.  Surprisingly I am not stressing out over this at all.  We are all carving out a space of the day to give attention to Luke's activities.  Working together like this is working for us.

The workboxes are ideal for us to keep on track and encourage personal responsibility.  However, they take away from the together part of our homeschool that's always been part of our homeschool personality.

And I have found that I just can't pull myself in 4 different directions; not in the middle of all life's recent charges anyway.

So we are reading together, plugging away at the math texts, playing with Luke and getting out of the house to learn in life.  I'm not even thinking about next year's homeschool, yet.  I'm not even thinking about next year's public schooling, yet.  I am keeping myself in the present and choosing live life instead of grinding against it.

What We've Been Up To

Our daily rhythym has shifted with an underlying hint of anxiety from withing myself. 

Luke just celebrated his 3rd birthday recently.  Three.  It really hit me like a fist!  I swear he just got here last year!  But....the pack of diapers seems to last for weeks because he's really wearing underwear most of the day now.  And he laughs out loud with intention to people, happenings and things that strike him funny.  His communication is developing so that he says things like, "uh...maybe not!" and "...well, let's see...." and "stop! That's annoying!"

He also needs his own time for learning and play with me.  He stands at the little chalkboard hanging in the kitchen and tells me it's time to do math.  Then he draws lines and circles on the board and tells me there's lots of 4's and 5's.  His brain is begging for new things to see and do and that requires the time from me. 

So we shifted our school schedule to just the afternoons leaving mornings to go outside, play with Luke, read together, do chores, etc.  At first this schedule just came about in a natural way and I would worry that the older kids weren't getting what they needed, or I would worry about Jake or Tara slacking off of stuff or not getting something done at all. 

But that hasn't happened.  It helped that I formally "announced" this was how it was going to go down here for awhile.  This formality was really for myself.  Doing that somehow gave me permission to school that way. 

I'm surprised at how consistent we've been with things; religion everyday, math everyday, spelling everyday, reading.  I'll be reinstituting our Friday fun writing projects tomorrow.  I am also still keeping to alternating weeks with science and history...they've both been so, so much better studying these subjects on that schedule.  This week and last has been history.  I've even managed to work in the composer/music study I've had forever. 

The kids have enjoyed reconnecting and working at the table together and I feel relieved that if Luke takes a nap, then am getting uninterrupted time with the older kids, if he doesn't, than he will either sit with us and be a manageable nudge, watch a movie, play with Tara's iTouch, or sit in the classroom and play with his trucks and trains...in other words, he's easier to deal with and distract because he's had a morning of appropriate stimulation and attention.

I still can't take him to the library, though.  Maybe when he's four ; )

Still Homeschooling?

I feel like I'm in crisis-mode homeschooling...you know where you're just getting in the basics and getting the kids to and from all the outside activity stuff on time and calling it a success?  Yeah. 

Yesterday was such a beautiful day that I said to my husband I thought I might like to take the kids to the zoo since I had a day off.  Typically he's answer with an "uh-huh" or "sounds good" or "how much is that going to cost?"  But this time there was actual commentary!  He said, "Maybe you should do schoolwork instead.  Seems like everyone's falling behind." 

Falling behind?  Falling behind what?  I reminded him that one of the great things about homeschooling is that there is no "fall behind."  There is no keeping up with the rest of the class or the principal's agenda. 

Apparently this principal has an agenda.

To defend my impromptu field trip I whipped out Michele's progress report that just arrived in the mail along with her PSAT results that came with it.  "Look....Michele's in the 97th percentile for reading and math and I think we did math about three weeks out of the year when she was in, like, 5th grade!  In fact, her entire curriculum was whatever she read out of the library! 

"Well, I think you're taking them to the zoo because you feel guilty about leaving them to go to work.  So, if you want to take them to the zoo because you're all homeschooly and stuff than go ahead, but if you're trying to make yourself feel better about working than do them a favor and keep them on their regular scheduled homeschooling."

This is why he's the principal.  All those years I thought the nodding and the uh-huh-ing were living on the fringe of homeschooling and really leaving it all up to me was by a truer measure, faith, trust and approval of what we were doing and how we were living day-to-day.  Speaking up and pointing out a need for redirection is what a good husband, a good friend, should do. 

So I compromised ;)  On Thursday we covered math in the morning.  Then we went across the street to the park.  After Luke went for a nap we read history together.  We talked about King James and the Jamestowne colony.  Even though my history week should have started on Monday, it started on Thursday.  It continued today.  It'll flow through to next week.  There's a plan in the works and we're working on it together.

I'm glad I didn't abandon school completely on Thursday.  Yes, the zoo is still considered school, esp. since Elaina is so immersed in animals right now and Luke is so interested in them, too.  But it was important to get back on track.  It's necessary for us to not "fall behind".  Meaning, falling behind the outline I made in the beginning of the year.  We're finally leaving Europe behind and coming to America! 

Little by little I am catching up : )