Homeschool Dropout

I could subtitle this What are You Really Afraid of?

So I almost have two kids enrolled in public school.

Excuse me while I pause for a reality check...............................

Just rereading that last thought has me asking my buck-the-system-self, "Who are you?  Really?"

I'm a homeschooler.  I've been a homeschooler when I had my first daughter; unmarried, young, irresponsible, misguided, lost at sea.  Disconnected from most of my world and myself but instantly connected to the little life that was handed to me in 1992.  That connection freed me to tap into myself.  The Who of who I am.

Let me reign myself in, here.  Before I go too existential I am referring to not a conscious decision to attachment parent but just a knowing and an awareness of my responsibility towards this life...and the other lives that have been shared with me.

....and so this connection gave way to homeschooling, or, the mindset to homeschool.

For me, public schooling was the opposite of this mindset.  Putting the kids into the local catholic school felt "safer" and okay because I had the illusion of control and also because I felt secure knowing that the Gospel is taught.  I felt secure knowing that everything taught was from the perspective that there is a loving God always  available through Jesus Christ.

But the things of this world have placed me into a position where I am living in Bizzaro:  working near full time, crockpot dinners, siblings minding the store, adjusting the priority of commitments to such a way that what I once thought of was most important has become, well, pushed aside for "later."

So am I still a homeschooler?  Well, I still have a 5th grader and a preschooler at home.  We'll still homeschool.  But there's been a paradigm shift in what I think is "best."  Truthfully, it's a shift in facing my fears and setting worry under a rock instead of my faith.