Making Adjustments

Is change and transition smooth for any human?  It's not for this human. 

There's been a fair share of upheaval in my world.

I've had to get a job.  Having to get a job presents itself with its own set of adjustment challenges.  Check.

Adjusting to working outside my home after a 20+ year hiatus will have adjustments, too.  Check.

Reorganizing my entire life around a new schedule is just about putting me over the edge.  Not checked.  Still working on that.

Experiencing mother-guilt from a toddler before I leave for said job.  Pure agony.  "No purple shirt, mom.  Take it off."  (My "uniform" involves a purple shirt.)

Resisting the temptation to chuck the ever-comfortable homeschooling style I have adapted and give ourselves over to radical unschooling.  Checked, as of this morning.

Too Old for Algebra

I got a job.

It's a means to an end kind of job. 

There's big changes beginning here and this is the first baby-step.

Reflecting on the necessaries for me to implement and ultimately withstand these changes I am feeling my age.  Living like I'm 18 when I'm 44 is feeling like a slow hike up a large rock; it's exhilirating yet the pace allows too much time to talk myself out of it.  By that I mean the "world is at your feet, you can be anything you want" kind of living like I'm 18. 

Facing algebra and biology and chemistry were exciting and hopeful prospects at 18.  After reviewing functions with Tara yesterday I started feeling too old for algebra.  and chemistry.  and biology.  and being anything I want kind of thinking that sits in an 18 year old's take-off-like-a-rocket mind.

Trying to talk myself back into it this morning.